Harry Potter And The HalfBlood Pimp 1
by PermanentQuest
Summary: AU. HPHrG. This story follows an alternate time line, Harry is a Pimp, Hermione his lover. Harry learns to juggle school and work. Repost of a previously banned story. Fixed for content. 1 of 3
1. Chapter 1

**Harry Potter And The Half Blood Pimp – Part 1**

**COMPLETE**

**Part 1 of 3.**

**I do not own Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, or any other property of Warner Bros and J.K Rowling. This story, if read on will NOT have any sexual scenes within. This story was erased and caused me to be banned temporarily from so I hope every one enjoys this new and improved version. This story is about Harry Potter, in an alternate universe, where he was raised by a pimp. It ships Harry/Hermione, Remus/OC, Sirius/AnythingThatWalks, Neville/The Patil Twins, Ron/- His Hand(I hate Ron). Enjoy, please, read and review, I love to hear your opinions on my story, and value any comments. Even the bad ones…**

A young man of about six sat at a ratty wood table next to an older man. They were both dressed in pin stripe suits, their clothing belaying the fact they were living beyond their means. The young child mimicked his companion, rubbing his temples while his elbows rested on the table.

"Damn bitches better get home with my money." The man voiced, as the squeaky boy next to him concurred. "Yea… bischessss better get home with your money."

"Language Harold." The older man chastised the young boy. Though a small smirk played across his features, revealing the fact that he wasn't truly mad. "Remember Harry, no matter what, a women is a beautiful thing, and you should take care of them. Keep them safe, and let them do what they do, whether she is a nun teaching children, or a hoe turning tricks, you stand up for your ladies."

The young boy nodded furiously as he churned his mentor's words in his mind. They were words to live by, and little Harry cherished every word that came from his mentor's mouth.

* * *

**Four Years Later - **

"C'mon Harry, we have to deliver Cynthia to a John, then we have to go do business with the new guys on the block." His mentor yawned, as he tossed Harry a set of keys. "You're driving us there."

"Sure thing Silver Magic." Harry knew he was to young to drive, and if he ever got caught, he and his mentor would be in a world of shit, but he drove for SM any ways. Harry didn't know Silver Magic's real name, and he probably never would, he only knew his own name, because it was written in a locket with a picture of some women holding a baby, most likely him, that was dangling from his neck when Cynthia found him in a dumpster.

Harry couldn't have been more than a year old, but there he was, crying away inside a dumpster, and kindhearted Cynthia just couldn't let him die. So she scooped him up, and took him home to Silver Magic, who decided to take Harry in as an apprentice, and raise him to become a real pimp. No one knows why Silver Magic took Harry in, or why he was so smitten with the boy, but no one questioned him, and Harry grew up strong and tough in the streets.

"SM, When do I get a pimp name?" Harry asked as he ducked in the driver seat of their Cadillac, trying to dodge Cynthia's hand as she tried to muss his hair.

"Boy, you don't get a pimp name till you pimp some'en." Silver replied with the slightest hint of amusement in his voice. "You just keep watching, and you learn them skills up right, and we will have you all named up in no time. Right now, you ain't old enough to be pimpen no one Harry."

"Yea Harry, you pick a name too soon and you will end up with something like The Kiddie Cuddler, or that bitch ass kid who thinks he's a G." Cynthia grinned as she pressed Harry's buttons.

"Hoe, don' be makin' Harry all self conscious. We'll set you up proper with a fine name some day. Not till you old enough tho'." SM finalized their conversation with a wave of his hand.

Harry nodded; he knew SM wouldn't bullshit him, and that he was going to inherit an established Hoe-Dom when SM finally retired, if he did. It mattered not to Harry though, he was just so happy to have a family, he knew though, from his talks with SM that Harry was going to be raising in the ranks soon.

"Fine Small Magick…" Cynthia giggled.

"Hoe, don't be getting smart with me." SM waggled a finger in Cynthia's face, a stern expression etched into his features. SM was known for being kind but tough, but that was what made all the women flock to him.

"We're here." Harry grinned as he parked the car down the street from the building they were supposed to go to. It was a small hotel, known for renting by the hour, and not asking questions.

"Good job. You still need to work on using the brakes smoother, but you're learning right Harry." SM beamed as he got out of the car. Harry swiftly followed his mentors actions, and helped Cynthia out of the car, allowing her arm to intertwine with his, he walked arm in arm with her, following SM to the hotel.

"Thanks Harry." Cynthia giggled, she loved how gentlemanly Harry could be, it wasn't weakness, he exuded confidence and she knew that he had love in him. She knew Harry would grow up to be a fine pimp some day.

"You keep such a soft hand Harry, and you'll break it the first time you have to use it." SM scolded as they walked through the front door of the hotel. Harry didn't even glance at the name, they were all the same any ways. They may glimmer on the outside, but they were all havens of smut and sex on the inside. SM and Harry made sure of that.

Harry tipped his hat at the young man behind the main desk as they walked past, accepting the nod from the welcomer. They were expected, and Harry knew it was time to get to work.

"Meet me in room 203 Harry, after you drop Cynthia off in room 301, knock twice." SM instructed, Harry didn't move, nor make a sound, but SM knew he was listening. Harry was an intense person, when it was time for business.

Harry watched as his mentor left him and Cynthia in the elevator at the second floor, his gaze locked on his walk, trying to soak in SM's style. That left Cynthia stifling a giggle as Harry strutted with Cynthia at his side out of the elevator when they reached the third floor.

Harry rapped sharply on the door with his two knuckles impatiently. "Open up, it's the delivery man." He called. He waited a moment, and just as he were about to knock again, the door opener swiftly to a purple faced man.

"SHHHH. I don't want to attract attention." The purple-faced man hissed. He was tall, fat, and wore an over coat that read "Grunnings" on it.

"Bitch, don't shhh me." Harry raised his voice indignantly "Let me in bitch." Pushing past the rather large man, he shoved him backwards, while yanking Cynthia in. "Now let me lay down some ground rules for you fat man." Harry began, "First off, don't you hurt my bitch, you fuck up and it yo' ass. Second, you got half an hour after I leave this room, but she better damn well be allowed to pick up her cell phone if I call to check up on her. Third, you pay half now and half at the end." Harry then extended his hand as the fat man handed Harry a thick stack of crisp pound notes. "Finally, you hurt her, I'll fucking kill you."

The purple-faced man was for sure nervous about the whole situation. Harry could smell it, but he walked out of the room and paid it no mind. Every one was nervous, if not for only the first few experiences.

Harry entered the elevator, and made his way over to room 203, knocking twice he waited a moment before a strange looking man opened the door and ushered Harry inside. The man was fairly thick, not exactly fat, but very heavyset.

"Ah! Thank you Goyle." Exclaimed a tall slimy grease ball with long blonde hair. Harry didn't like these guys, he couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew something was wrong. His intuition was telling him to run, but he would NEVER leave SM in a situation without back up.

"Hi." Harry stated flatly, looking around the room. "Where is SM?" Harry thought, as he realized the room had only he, the slimy git, and fatty in it. "So, where did Silver Magick go?" Harry question, as he slowly placed his hands in his pockets, laying his grip around a bali-song knife that he received from Cynthia for his "Got Found day."

"The bathroom." Slimy drawled, a hint of malice in his eyes.

"Right." Harry replied as he leaned up against the wall, assuring himself no one could sneak up on him. The situation was bad, he knew Silver Magick probably wasn't even alive, and the only way he could make it out of this one, was with a little preventative action.

Realizing the slimy git and fatty where sharing a look, Harry struck into action. His knife bursting open with such speed, it was nothing but a blur; the soft chatter of the steal clicking together as he stabbed fiercely into a rather large vein in fatty's leg was drowned out by his screams, but before Harry could turn his attack on the blonde haired bastard, he fainted.

At least, he thought he had fainted; he was floating, outside his body. He could hear the blonde haired git giving a command to him. "Jump out the window."

"No… That would be dumb." Harry thought.

"Jump."

"I shouldn't…"

"Jump."

"Well, may be it wouldn't hurt if I did."

"Jump damn it!"

"Ok."

And Harry jumped out the window.

"Well, that takes care of that. Hurry up and stop bleeding, and lets go report to Voldemort that our plan is coming together perfectly." Git grinned.

"Sure thing Luscious." Goyle grinned. "Voldemort will be real pleased with us."

"That he will Goyle, that he will." Luscious Malfoy laughed.

* * *

**30 minutes later**

"Ugh." Harry groaned as he realized he wasn't dead. Though, being dead was the least of his worries, as he was currently perched precariously on an awning perhaps a foot below the window he jumped through.

"Na, I must have been hit over the head and pushed out the window, I wouldn't have just jumped." Harry assured himself as he attempted to navigate back up to the window he had fallen out of. After a few minutes of grabbing his courage, he pulled himself up through the window and found SM's body in the bathroom.

Harry would have cried, if he had the time. SM had discussed with Harry many times, what to do in-case of an emergency like this. He immediately grabbed all of Silver's jewelry, his wallet, his cell phone, every thing but his underwear Harry collected, stuffing every thing he could into his pockets.

Harry bent down and closed SM's eyes, a look of horror on his face that only solidified the idea that they must have poisoned him, as he didn't have any bludgeon or bullet wounds on him.

Meanwhile in a Castle far far away-

"Perhaps we should send someone to see why he has not replied to our owls Dumbledore." A stern looking woman with glasses inquired, a look of concern fleeting within her eyes.

"I will send Hagrid then, Professor McGonagall." Dumbledore nodded sagely.

"Is that wise Albus?" McGonagall question, her stern look melting away into outright fear.

"I would trust Hagrid with my life." Dumbledore only twinkled.

Back at the hotel

Harry out right kicked the door to room 301, peeling it off its hinges; Harry stepped into the room, dirty, tired, angry, and slightly psychotic. "Cynthia, we're going, you're finished." Harry yelled before he realized there was a crumpled mass on the bed.

"OHHHH Hell fucking no!Fat mutha'fucka don' fucked the fuck up!" Harry screamed as he walked over to Cynthia, her face looking something like ground beef. "Shit shit shit." Harry exclaimed as he checked her pulse, finding a faint one, he grabbed the phone, dialed 911, and walked out of the room in a hurry, rushing back to their car he jumped in and hauled ass home.

* * *

**At a normal looking house on a very normal street**

"So you're saying that there were never a Harry Potter living here huh?" A gigantic man inquired as he stared down at a horse faced woman.

"That's right, now leave." She replied, trying to slam the door shut on the rather large man unsuccessfully as he currently had his finger planted firmly against the door.

"This is the Dursley residence, right?" the giant asked again.

"Yes… now LEAVE before my husband gets home from work." The horse-faced women implored. As if on queue, a rather normal looking automobile pulled into the driveway, piloted by a purple-faced man wearing a Grunning's over coat.

"And who are you?" The purple-faced man growled as he excavated himself from his to small car.

"Hagrid, keeper of keys at Hogwarts, I'm here to pick up little Harry. You are Vernon Dursley, and you have Harry. At least, you had better." Hagrid growled, trying to be as intimidating as possible.

"No idea what you are talking about. Be gone freak." Vernon grumbled as he pushed his massive frame past Hagrid, a scowl on his face.

Hagrid could only glare as he stepped back from the door. He knew they had Harry; they must be trying to hide him. He would report to Dumbledore immediately, in the hopes that he could help. "If only I could just burst through this door, but the Ministry would have a field day with it." Hagrid thought as he gripped the portkey Dumbledore had created for him.

* * *

**In a normal looking apartment in the heart of London**

Harry sat at the kitchen table of the apartment he had shared with SM, his elbows against the wood; his fingers slowly massaged his temples, but today was different, as tears streamed from his eyes freely. He had lost the only real father he had ever had, and his only true motherly figure lay in a hospital somewhere.

"Mutha fucka." Harry whimpered, as he wiped at his eyes. "What the fuck am I gonna do? Why God?" He pleaded to the heavens, before spluttering, his mouth filled with a coppery taste.

Harry had never really prayed before, Silver had never really gone to church, but Harry had a pretty good hunch that whatever spirits out there watching him were currently reveling in the pain they had created.

Harry spent the rest of the night waiting at the kitchen table, calling the rest of the harem to attention when they all returned home. He had a lot of explaining to do, and he wanted to do it all at once.

"Girls, I gots us some bad news." His lips twitched, as he bit back tears. "Silvers… hes… hes done got killed." Harry breathed as tears slipped from his eyes. "Cynthia ain't much better either. She's in the hospital."

The resounding gasp from the three women in attendance only solidified the harsh truth, Silver was gone, and he wasn't coming back. His reverie interrupted by Macey, with dark skin and pink lips, she had always been one of the most popular girls in the stable, "So what we gonna do?" fear obvious in her eyes.

"I'ma kill the mutha fucka's who did Silver, and the fat fuck who took out Cynthia is gonna get a real nice surprise visit from me." Harry growled, steeling his resolve to become the new Pimp King.

"Harry, you don't even have a name yet, this isn't going to work." Victoria, was a blonde with a vocabulary as large as her chest, Harry never knew why she didn't get a regular job.

"I got's my name trick!" Harry shouted, "I ain't gonna take no mo' shit. The street's are gonna damn well know, King Magick done come to claim his throne, I'm the heir to Silver's dynasty, and I'm gonna lay down a new law." His voice strong, steely, and filled with malice, he was truly an intimidating sight at the moment, for a boy so young.

That was the day Harry Potter died, and King Magick was borne. No longer was he Silvers sidekick, he ran the streets now, and he wasn't going to take what happened lying down. He knew, if someone didn't pay for what happened to Silver and Cynthia, he wouldn't be accepted as the new King, as he would be viewed weak, so he began with the bottom, and started searching for the ones who caused him so much grief.

The general population of thugs who didn't take King Magick seriously, found he was a force to be reckoned with on a stormy night only a week from after SM had passed away. As Harry sat in the Cadillac, only a few feet away from his harem as they huddled under an umbrella in skimpy out fits, he noticed a small red sports car pull up.

Taking note that Macey had approached the car, he abstained from counting his money, and watched in fascination as she began the verbal dance to finalize a deal. He couldn't hear here, but he knew all the same, it was nothing but innuendo, double speak, and prices.

Then it happened, the stupid bastard in the little red sports car tried to yank her in through the window, and Harry was out of the Cadillac in a flash. The flash couldn't have moved faster then Harry at that moment. His hand intertwining with the brass knuckles he used as a belt buckle, he was at the drivers side door of the car within moments, smashing his hand in-between Macey and into the face of her assailant.

Macey staggered back, a small cut over her cheek where the man had cut her with a razor blade, fear in her eyes. "Oh hell mutha fucken no!" Harry screeched as he yanked the man out of the car window, pummeling him repeatedly in the head with the brass knuckles clutched firmly in his grip. "No Mutha Fucka! It don't be working like that!" The man was dazed and on the floor, blood pouring from the wounds on his head, but Harry wouldn't stop. He began stomping the man repeatedly, kicking, and punching him as he lay on the ground. He couldn't even cuss coherently any more, it sounded something like "Mutha; fish; dick suckin; mutha trick;"

After Harry finally got his frustrations out on the man, he backed off, taking a moment to wipe the blood off of his hands on a clean piece of cloth on the John's shirt. "Now then mutha fucka." Harry spat, as he tried to straighten his suit. "Get back in this mutha fucken car." He growled as he yanked the man up by his collar and threw him in sports car. The man tried struggling a bit, but Harry slapped him, ending his revolt. "Give me this mutha fuckin wallet." Harry continued, yanking the mans wallet out of the passenger seat, "Now don't let me see you round these parts no more, or next time, I will kill ya. Bitch ass mutha fucka." Harry then slammed the door shut, and watched as the man peeled out of there swerving down the road.

"God damn mutha fuckin weirdos, how come these bitches can't just pay they money, get they dick sucked, and get the fuck outa here." Harry muttered to himself as he walked over to Macey, inspected her wounds, and then sent her back to work, after reassuring her that he was there to take care of her.

Harry could only smile as he walked past the cop car he had ran past when the John had attacked Macey, the cop only nodded as Harry gave him a curt wave, and then motioned for Victoria to give the officer a freebie. Harry knew, to really run the streets, he had to not only keep the John's, gangstas, and other pimps happy, he had to keep the cops happy to, and with Harry starting to make waves in the way things are done, keeping the cops happy was going to be a big part of his plan.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore was mad, madder then he had ever been before. "So Mr. Dursley, you are telling me, you have no idea what I am talking about when I speak of a Mr. Potter…?"

"That's right, never heard of him." Vernon Dursley replied, blissfully unaware that as he spoke to this barmey old man, the most powerful wizard alive was probing his mind.

"Mr. Dursley." Dumbledore took a breath to gather his thoughts before he killed this man, "I know what you did. As it is, I am currently unable to kill you."

Mr. Dursley visibly stiffened, as the old man sighed.

"As much pleasure as I would get out of it, I have nothing left to do but to find Harry, as I would do much less good for him if I were in Azkaban." Dumbledore continued, ignoring the look of fear and puzzlement on Vernon's face.

"How do you know he is even alive then, huh?" Vernon ventured, courage bolstered by the news that Dumbledore couldn't kill him.

"You sir, are to stupid to understand." Dumbledore spat as he stood up, a slightly surprised look on his face as the door to the Dursley residence flew open, a very flustered looking women with bubblegum pink hair stood in the doorway, he mouth gaping like a fish.

"SIR! Professor Dumbledore!" She breathed; her lungs gasping for air, as she must have ran a very long way, because the apparition wards were still intact around the house.

"Yes my dear Nymphadora?" Dumbledore serenely inquired?

Nymphadora Tonks visibly scowled at the use of her first name, before straightening herself, drawing in a large breath of air, and then blurting out, "Sir. I think we found him."

"Really?" Dumbledore and Vernon inquired in unison. Vernon received a scowl from both Nyphadora and Albus for his troubles. "Where is he?" Albus questioned, anxiety filling his voice.

"That's the bad news." Tonks continued, "See, he had a run in with some dark wizards, we don't know what happened." Her face visibly fell as she informed Albus Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard of all time, that his charge might well be dead.

"Take me to the scene." Dumbledore pressed.

"Port key." Tonks confirmed as Dumbledore reached out testily to the small shoe, anger evident on his features.

As they arrived inside a small hotel room, Dumbledore immediately noticed the white chalk marks visible in the bathroom. "Harry?" He asked, pointing in the room.

"No, just some panderer." Tonks eased Dumbledore temporarily, "Harry was right here, but let me show you." Tonks immediately reached into her pocket pulling a small pink stone, placing it into the middle of the room, she stepped back against the wall, allowing Albus room to accompany her.

Albus Dumbledore had been to many crime scenes in his day, but very few were ever high profile enough to use the recall stones. The recall stones channeled the aura's of all individuals in the room from a certain point forward, allowing you to watch a "ghost" type creature reenact every thing that happened from the last point of high magickal use.

Albus knew a true dark wizard would cast wards to prevent the stones from tracking them, so it came as no surprise as he saw two hollow silhouettes, one with a knife sticking out of its leg, while another cast a spell on a ghostly visage of a young man with a rather lightning bolt shaped energy rift on his forehead.

"See Albus?" Tonks whispered, as she pointed at the boy. "I do believe that would be Harry, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, but…" Albus gasped as he watched the young boy leap out the window, then the energy faded, obviously the attackers had apparated.

"Don't worry." Tonks placed a hand on Albus' shoulder, "No body was found, and we believe he landed on the awning just outside the window."

"Well, that is definitely news, though whether this is good or bad, I cannot say yet." Albus sighed as his mind churned over what little information he had.

"Well, at least he is alive, right?" Tonks offered, confused at Dumbledores reaction.

"Perhaps, but it leaves many questions unanswered, most importantly, why is he still alive?" at the incredulous look coming from Tonks he continued, "He is the boy who lived, and he just had a brush in with two very powerful dark wizards, yet, he made it out again."

"I guess I see your point." Tonks nodded.

Dumbledore felt at least 100 years older as he began to walk out of the room, his left hand occasionally rumored, the affects of stress beginning to take its toll on his aging body.

* * *

Another year passed, with no sign of the boy-who-lived, the magickal world was in chaos. There were many questions, and few answers on why the child was not at Hogwarts, and Dumbledore was under pressure to find Harry. Little did he know that Harry was currently cavorting with a member of the magickal community at the very moment Dumbledore was attempting to explain to the Wizengamot why Harry was not present at Hogwarts.

It was rare that Harry laughed, since he had transformed himself into "King Magick", but he felt particularly comfortable around the odd man who showed up every Wednesday. He always smelled like whiskey and cigarettes, but he always paid cash and had a new joke for Harry.

Though Harry thought he had a strange name, Ol' Fletch as Harry had come to call him was nonetheless, a wonderful customer. He showed up, paid Harry in full up front, spent his 35 minutes with Macey, and then told a quick joke and was gone until the next Wednesday. It was like clockwork, and Ol Fletch always kept King Magick's palms greased with crisp new pound notes.

That was all that ruled Harry's life, the mighty pound note. He was raking in the money, and with Cynthia back in the stable and out of the hospital, Harry felt like his life was fairly complete. He had a little revenge to get on with, but at that point in his life, he was fairly content with his new title.

* * *

**At the ministry of magick**

"Prostitution is illegal Fletch." Tonks chastised the old wizard as he sat in her cubicle in enchanted handcuffs. "We can't keep bailing you out, the only way we can get you off, is if you turn in your panderer."

"Now, I can't be doing that." Fletch grumbled.

"If you DON'T do that Fletch, they are gonna put your ass in Azkaban!" Tonks yelped as she slammer her hands onto her desk.

"They can just put me there then, I ain't putting old KM in the slammer just because of the Minister." Fletch hissed defiantly.

"Then we have no choice, you will be forced to help us." Tonks lamented as she called in two other guards to administer a potion to fletch. She had always hated this part of the job, but if she didn't sacrifice Fletchs panderer, she could truly ruin her ability to function as an agent of the Order of the Phoenix, where her true heart lay.

Harry's Apartment

Something was wrong, Harry lay in bed wide-awake, he could smell trouble, and it wasn't the three women in bed with him currently. "Shit." Harry cursed as he rolled out of bed and reached into his dresser drawer. His fingers curled around the grip of a machete, as he placed a small pistol into the pocket of the shorts he pulled over his naked bottom. Harry was loath to discharge the pistol, as all firearms are HIGHLY illegal in Britain.

"Harry?" Cynthia whispered as she noticed Harry removing the weapons from their hiding spots.

"Shut up bitch." Harry hissed as he slowly opened the door to the hallway, taking a small peek. His heart felt as though it would burst from his chest as he realized there were at least seven intruders in his home slowly making their way towards his bedroom door.

"Fuck this shit." Harry thought to himself as he withdrew the handgun from his pocket and slowly cocked the hammer with his thumb. His index finger deftly removed the safety, as he waited for any sound that the intruders where in front of his door. A small scuffing sound alerted him to the presence of someone standing before his door.

TAT TAT TAT!

Bullets burst from his pistol in quick succession, his fully automatic pistol splintering the door into many pieces before Harry through the gun to the ground and rushed into the hallway swinging his machete, the clip now empty on his weapon. Then, like before, there was nothingness. He was completely floating and his mind was arguing with itself about whether or not to drop the machete.

Harry never really believed in God, but he certainly knew there was a higher power that was looking out for him that day, and no matter what you said, he would never deny the fact that SOMEONE was looking out for him that night. He would also have to say, the next time he finds himself in mortal combat, he will certainly wear more then boxer shorts to a fight.

"Gad damn it's cold." Harry cursed as he sat up right on the hard marble floor of a strange room. "Where the fuck am I?" He wondered as he noticed the glass window and heavy wood door that adorned the walls in the room.

"Shit, I done got arrested." He cursed again, just as the door opened to reveal a rather pretty looking young women in a police uniform, but her bubblegum pink hair is what surprised Harry.

"Ugh, I hate these guys." Tonks groaned inwardly as she stepped into the room. "Always the same, they get picked up, pulled in here in their underwear, and then I have to explain to them they were on drugs and ended up arrested. Stupid Fletch. Ugh, he's grinning at me."

"Hullo'." Harry grinned as he stared at the pretty officer. "How do you do?"

"Fine." Tonks growled, doing her best impression of the tough cop. "I have a few questions for you."

"Ask away love." Harry smirked, as he leaned back in his seat, his feet up on the table. "I have all the time in the world. Though, I want a lawyer."

"Done." Tonks grumbled as she motion towards the glass, and then the door opened revealing a rather tall woman with bushy brown hair and slightly bucky teeth. "This is Patricia Granger, she will be your lawyer." Tonks scowled.

"Hello Mr."

"Stevenson." Harry finished for her.

"Of course." Patricia smiled.

"My client, Mr. Stevenson will not be answering any questions, and furthermore, your methods of obtaining an arrest warrant is suspect. If within one hour, you cannot come up with a signed statement by a Mr. Fletch that he has been purchasing "Prostitutes", from Mr. Stevenson, then Mr. Stevenson is free to leave."

"Wammo." Harry snickered at the look on Tonk's face.

An hour later, Harry was strutting his way out the front door to freedom, wearing a hat and long jacket issued by the Police. "Allow me sir." Harry laughed as he opened the door for a strange looking old man, wearing bright billowy clothing and a pointy hat.

"What a nice young man." The elderly gentlemen mused as he bowed and entered the foyer.

"Albus!" A dark skinned officer grinned as he shook hands with the elderly man. "What brings you here old friend?"

"I have come because of Tonks, she wishes to speak to me." Albus continued, "Ah, there she is! Good speaking to you Shacklebolt, see you soon."

"You to Albus." Shacklebolt laughed.

Tonks looked flustered as she walked up to Dumbledore, her face slightly pink and her normal bubblegum hair was a sickly green. "If you could Albus, could you come with me? I think we found Harry."

"Wonderful!" Albus clapped as he walked with Tonks to her cubicle. "As you can see from these records, any of these three boys could be Harry, from what we have seen." Tonks explained as she handed Dumbledore a small stack of pictures.

"No, sadly, none of these boys have his aura, or his parents aura. It is a rare aura, that I would recognize on sight." Dumbledore nodded sagely.

"Well, if you say so." Tonks sighed as she cast the pictures into a drawer.

Dumbledore picked up a small manila envelope off Tonks desk, opening it to the picture of a young man without a shirt grinning with a plate with numbers under his face. "It couldn't be." Dumbledore assured himself as he watched the thick green aura convoluted around the body of the boy.

"That is some panderer we tried to put behind bars, damnedest kid I ever saw, he's like…"

"Twelve or Thirteen." Dumbledore finished for her.

"Yea." Tonks confirmed, a confused look on her face. "He's a pimp out in a seedy part of London though, we know he is, but we can't get him on it."

Dumbledores face fell as he listened to Tonks. Could Lily' and James son be a… a… panderer? "Where is this boy now?" Dumbledore inquired.

"He just left." Tonks grumbled.

"Wait." Dumbledore raised his hand, the rusty cogs in his brain spinning as he remembered the young man opening the door for him, the green aura around him convoluted like James and Lily'. Dumbledore burst from his seat, his hips popping like firecrackers as he rushed towards the entrance to the Ministry, the door burst open and he flung his head outside, scanning the sidewalks.

* * *

**Two Days Later**

THWACK! The blow staggered Harry as he stumbled forward, a few drops of blood dripping from the crack in his scalp. "This is not my god damn week." He thought as he landed on his knees.

"Listen ya little shit, ya'r to young to run these streets, and we gonna take care of you." The random thug laughed as he and his two cohorts beat Harry mercilessly, leaving him to awake in a gutter.

"Mutha…" Harry spluttered as he pulled himself with his hands out of the alley into the street before passing out again.

His head was killing him and he couldn't feel his right leg, but by the sound of the voice of the men next to his bed, he must be pretty fucked up.

"Albus…"

Their speech was to garbled for Harry's ears for him to understand, but he caught small snippets about a school and about himself. "I wish they would shut the fuck up." He screamed in his head, a dull haze surrounding him, and they did.

"Albus, how can you be sure this is him?" A stern looking women hissed just outside a hospital room. "He is… he's a street animal." She sniffled.

"Minerva, that is no way to speak of young Harry." Albus Dumbledore smiled serenely. "We have found him, and that is what matters my dear lady."

"But Albus, if it is true, he is a… a… well, you know what he is! It's dreadful, I cannot even say it, and it dishonors the Potter's name." Tears openly streamed from her eyes in her grief.

"If this is true headmaster, I for one vote not to allow Potter into Hogwarts." The greasy man sneered, with a grim look of satisfaction behind his eyes.

"Now now Severus, there will be no problem with young Harry attending Hogwarts." Dumbledore laughed. "I'm just so glad we found him."

"Blah." Harry groaned as he sat up in bed, his head pounding. "Who the fuck are you?" He hissed as he realized there was a strangely dressed man with greasy hair next to his bed.

"I am Professor Snape." The greasy man replied snarkily. "I am just here to make sure you don't die before you can wake up. We have much to talk about."

"Right…" Harry smiled as he assessed his injuries, his leg still didn't work right.

"Drink this." Snape grumbled as he handed a silver flask to Harry. "It's not poison, if I wanted to kill you, I would have already."

"Thanks." Harry replied as he chugged the fluid, it burned like fire and felt like it was eating through his intestines. "Good shit." He laughed, without even a cough.

Snape only arched an eyebrow as Harry began to pull himself out of bed and gather his belongings. "Where are you going?"

"Business." Replied Harry.

"Of course." Snape scowled as he followed Harry out of the room and down the stairs, past the receptionist and across the street.

"Stop following me git." Harry growled

"I can't leave you, orders you know." Snape hissed back.

"Fuck you." Harry replied, hoping to scare the man off to no avail.

Eventually Harry found his way to his apartment, and made straight for his car. After checking the trunk for something, he hopped into the convertible vehicle only to realize greasy had gotten into his back seat, and now there was an old man sitting next to him.

"I always loved a good car ride." Albus Dumbledore squealed.

"I am going fucking nuts." Harry whimpered as he shook his head and started the motor. "Absolutely fucking bonkers."

"So, where are we go- OOOF" Dumbledore exclaimed as Harry flipped the switch to his hydraulics, the classic convertible Cadillac bouncing to the rhythm of Harry's pounding music.

"You know, I feel pretty fuckin good." Harry shouted over the crescendo of crashing bass, "What ever greasy there gave me, was some good shit."

"You will be feeling it in the morning, I assure you." Snape replied matter of factually, an expression that simply shouted unamused on his face. "I do believe some of your injuries will be permanent."

"Fuck it… It ain't nothing but a thang." Harry laughed sarcastically, his grin turning to grim determination as he began limping out of the vehicle, having arrived at their destination.

"Perhaps, the effects will become more noticeable sooner." Snape smiled as he watched Harry drag his leg towards the boot of the car.

"What exactly do you plan to accomplish here Harry?" Dumbledore smiled at Harry before gripping lightly at the door as the hydraulics purged and the car lowered to the ground.

"My name is King Magick old man, and I'm here to take care of business." KM replied grimly

"I do believe Severus will be accompanying you then, and I shall wait here." Dumbledore smiled as he watched Harry withdraw a rather wicked looking baseball bat with nails in it.

"Ugh." Severus sighed as he excavated himself from the back seat of the Cadillac. "I hate being a baby sitter."

"Fuck off mate." Harry sing songed as he used the bat as a walking cane, navigating his way towards the house they had pulled up to.

"I take it you plan to get revenge for what was done to you… correct?" Snape inquired, his face devoid of emotion.

"That's right." Harry confirmed.

"Well, if I was Minerva, I would discuss with you how revenge is wrong, and we should live and let live." Snape nodded in contemplation.

"Really?" Harry scratched his chin as he thought about that.

"I'm not Minerva, don't get any blood on my robes you little heathen." Snape shrugged as he kicked the door open to the small apartment.

"KNOCK KNOCK MUTHER FUCKERS!" Harry bellowed as he limped into the room behind Snape, his weapon dull with rust under the harsh electric lights.

"Oi! Its that little shit!" One of the thugs who had beaten Harry screamed as he tipped out of his chair.

"That's right it is!" Harry laughed as he hobbled past Snape, swinging his makeshift mace like an ace. "I've come for a little retribution."

"As much as I hate young Harry here, he certainly knows how to have a good time." Snapes revelry was interrupted by the sickening thud of bat and nail colliding with flesh. "Oh yes… a wonderful time."

SLAM!

POP!

THWOM!

SQUISH! "Oh my… that sounds delightfully awful…" Snape grinned, as much as he hated baby sitting, he rather LOVED watching this crippled disgraceful half-blood pimp beat people silly.

CRACK! "I do believe I soiled my knickers after that one." He grinned to himself as he watched Harry scream some creative profanity at his previous attackers.

"I think this ones dead." Harry finally interrupted Snape, as he prodded the man with his stick.

"Ah yes, he was the squishy one." Snape grinned.

"Right." Harry confirmed.

"Well, that's it then, lets go." Snape returned to his normal clammy self.

"Right-o." Harry grinned as he hobbled out of the room following Snape, slowly whistling the tune of Still Fly, an American rap song by Big Tymers.

"So, did you accomplish your goals?" Dumbledore questioned, his face serene.

"I would say so." Harry laughed as he took his blood soaked coat off and tossed it into the gutter, with his bat. "Let's go get something to eat, courtesy of…" Harry opened the strange wallet, gazing at the id within. "Bernard, he really wants us to go run up his credit cards to, so lets go party."

"Harry, we wish to discuss something with you." Dumbledore confided as they sat eating at a small diner. "I wish to educate you."

"Do what? You old piece of shit, are you implying I'm indignant?" Harry proclaimed.

"You mean, ignorant." Snape corrected.

"Fuck you." Harry smirked.

"Harry, you're a wizard." Dumbledore explained.

"I'm a what?" Harry gaped.

"A wizard Harry, I can help you understand your life, your parents, everything." Dumbledore implored. "Think Harry, haven't you ever done something you can't explain?"

"Hmm." Harry thought, "Well, one time I ended up on the roof of a building when I was younger, because I was running from some thugs."

"See Harry?" Dumbledore continued, "Anything strange, all the odd things in your life, I can bring full circle to you."

"Yea, I see what you're talking about." Harry stroked his chin. "One problem though."

"What is that Potter?" Grease ball sneered.

"I isn't talking to you." Harry hissed.

"Listen you little piece of…" Snape was cut off by a wave of Dumbledores hand.

"What the fuck is your dysfunction?" Harry growled.

Snape only stared after making eye contact with Dumbledore.

Harry scowled, obviously putting up mental shields sub consciously as his face became unreadable. "Look, I am established, homies."

"What do you mean Harry?" Dumbledores face etched in confusion.

"I got a presence, I am the hood." Harry nodded, an almost sage like wisdom shining behind his eyes. Harry stood then, "Look, get in contact with me in a few days, give me some time to think."

"I will do that Harry." Dumbledore confirmed, as he watched Harry turn to leave. "Take care."

"You to old man." Harry waved as he left.

"Severus?" Dumbledore inquired after Harry had left.

"Yes Head Master?" Snape asked.

"What is homies?" Dumbledore asked.

"I think it is a type of sexually transmitted muggle disease." Snape grinned inwardly.

"Remind me to take Harry past St. Mungo's for a routine check up before we let him loose at the school." Dumbledore thought out loud.

"Yes sir." Snape grinned.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for coming to chapter two. I appreciate your dedication. There is an intense snogging session that will be found near the bottom of this chapter. It meets all the rules, and has been checked and double-checked. It is no different then the kissing scenes that can be found in movies such as Porky's and other hormonal charged teen movies. Again, the unedited versions will be available on the web sites found in my profile. Still don't own Harry Potter, but damn is he a pimp… **

"Yes sir." Snape grinned.

**That night-**

"So what do you girls think I should do?" Harry sighed as he lay in bed watching his girls prepare to sleep after an evening of work.

"I don't think we know babe." Cynthia replied, "Maybe you ought to look into it. What are you going to do about us though?"

"I'd go in a heart beat, but I ain't leaving you broads hanging in the wind without someone to take care of you." Harry ran his fingers through his hair. "I'ma talk to da old man. He will make a deal wit me, if he wants me to cooperate."

"Sounds good." The girls chimed.

Dumbledore agreed heartily that Harry could not leave his little girlfriends alone, so he volunteered a very nervous looking Remus Lupin.

Harry gave Lupin some training in the pimping arts, and introduced him to the girls, allowing them all to get used to each other. In no time, Harry was finding his way to a train station, women in tow.

"Well bitches, ya'll behave for the Big Wolf here. He will be standing Pimp in my absence, and you listen to him." Harry commanded, before turning to Lupin. "You take care of my broads, my streets, and my business, or I will take care of you."

Lupin felt a cold chill run down his spine, as young as Harry may look, the sheer force that he spoke with was enough to drive an icicle into the werewolves heart. "You got it Harry." Lupin smiled. "Good luck at school friend."

Harry simply nodded before turning towards the wall and walking into it full force, finding himself on platform 9 3/4. "Damn, this shit is weird." He thought to himself as he slowly dragged his trunk towards the train, watching students wrestle with pets or argue with parents.

Eventually Harry got his things on the train with the help of two red headed twins who seemed particularly interested in Harrys silvery pants. "There ya are mate." They chimed in unison as they heaved the trunk up into the luggage tray. "We like your pants." They echoed as they walked away.

"Nice guys… weird… but nice guys." Harry smirked as he opened up the door to a compartment and walked in. The room was empty so Harry made himself at home. He unbuttoned his shirt, allowing it to hang loosely around his body, his wife beater clinging to his muscles. Harry reached to his neck, straightening his silver necklace, remembering how much Remus hated it. Tipping his fedora low on his face, he slumped into his seat and settled in for a nap.

"Excuse me, sir."

"Sir."

"Wake up sir."

Harry began to stir, as he felt small feminine hands pressing against his shoulders. "We are almost to Hogwarts, and you must get into your robes."

"Macey, leave me alone girl, you know I sleep in till 11, damn." Harry mumbled, as he swatted lightly at the air in front of him. "Leave me alone or I will make you work 4th and Park."

Hermione simply stared for a moment, not sure of how to react to the man's comments. "Sir, my name is Hermione Granger, I am a prefect at Hogwarts, and you must get up and put your robes on." Her shrill voice rising higher, causing the young man to leap up, his hat toppling to the floor.

"Damn girl, I'm up. Shit!" Harry snapped as he tried to relax his body before leaning down to pick up his hat. "Mmmmm…" Harry grinned, never taking his eyes off the young women before him as he leaned down. His silver necklace gently tapping his chin before he whipped back up and extended his hand. "My name is Harry, and I take it your name is Candy, cuz damn girl, you look sweet enough to give me a tooth ache."

"My NAME is Hermione, and I can make a lot more ache if you don't back away from me sir." She hissed, appaled that a grown man was speaking to her in such a way.

"Girl, I'm a student." Harry laughed, as he realized he didn't look very student like.

"You need to put your robes on, we will be at school soon." Hermione reiterated before stepping backwards out of the room, never taking her eyes off of Harry. Though, whether it was because of his looks, or for her safety, one may never know.

"So, who is he?" Ginny asked immediately, as Hermione stepped away from the compartment, her facing turning crimson as she realized that the man had stripped down to his under wear and there was very little for underwear as it was.

"So is he… oooo…" Ginny grinned as she pressed her face against the glass, her eyes attracted solely to Harry's body, as he was bent over rummaging through his luggage ass naked, except for a very small length of thread.

Hermione simply stood next to her friend, her mouth agape and her face crimson. "I have never seen a man wear that kind of under wear." Hermione finally spluttered before yanking Ginny by the arm away from the compartment.

The train eventually pulled up to the station, and a giant for a man called all the first years forward, so Harry stepped up to him. Hagrid knew what to do, so he motioned for Harry to enter a carriage, giving him an encouraging wink.

"Hey, how ya doin?" Harry smiled as he realized he had entered the carriage with the bushy brown haired girl in it. "Damn, you just make every thing look good now don't ya?" Harry grinned, as he watched the young woman blush.

The red haired boy sitting next to her scowled at him, but his face became stricken when Harry stuck his tongue out at the boy and asked him if he wanted to make out. Harry could only laugh, though he could see, everyone in the carriage was horrified.

As every one else walked into the halls and sat down, a stern looking witch that Harry recognized as Ms. Minerva, beckoned him to stand to the side as many first years were sorted. After which, it was Harry's turn to be sorted.

He sat down on a hard wood stool, as a hat was placed on his head. "Hmmm… Yes… My… God…" The hat began, so Harry tried to speak to it. "Holla'."

For a moment the hat seemed stunned, before it began to speak back. "What the fuck, you do not belong here. I should have sorted you long ago, but you are worthless now, a disgrace. I cry for you're…"

The quiet of the great hall was shattered as Harry leapt to his feet. "FUCK YOU!" Harry shouted before yanking the hat off his head, throwing to the ground he pointed at it. "Fuck you, you piece of shit, you don't know me!"

"NO, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU DUMBLEDORE, FUCK THIS SCHOOL! I WILL NOT SORT THIS HEATHEN!" The hat screamed, as Snape lept from his seat, snatched the hat up, and attempted to stifle it as he rushed it out of the room.

Harry kept screaming expletives at the hat, as Snape rushed out the door. It took many minutes before Harry and the rest of the great hall had calmed sufficiently for Dumbledore to be able to make an announcement.

"As our sorting hat is currently broken, I will allow you Harry, to choose what house you wish to be sorted into." This caused many murmurs as he began to walk around the great hall before stopping behind the bushy haired girl. "Hello." Harry extended his hand to her, as she had pivoted in her seat to eye him.

"Hello." She coolly replied.

"I would like to start over." Harry grinned.

"My name is Hermione Granger" She finnaly sighed, a look of defeat on her face as she shook his hand.

Harry then turned to the headmaster, and in his best imitation of the sorting hat, he shouted at the top of his lungs. "GRYFNDOR!"

"This is NOT how this was supposed to happen Albus!" The shriek from the transfiguration teacher filled the air.

Albus sighed serenly as he listened to Minerva. His mind was a blaze with the many colorful speech embellishments that Harry would probably use at this time. Though two such thoughts truly stuck out to Albus. "I'd love to tell her 'Shut yo trap bizatch, and pull down dem panties and let me hit dat shiat'." Dumbledore smiled.

"Now is not the time to be smiling Albus!" She continued to shriek.

"Every day you wake up, is a day to smile." Dumbledore chuckled.

"Fuck!" Harry exclaimed as he awoke to the sounds of his fellow classmates shuffling about preparing for class. "Muther fuckers need to have afternoon classes."

"You should wake up mate. My name is Neville!" The chubby happy faced boy grinned as he pulled his robe over his head.

"My name is Harry Potter, but you can call me K.M." Harry sneezed as he slumped out of bed.

"What does K.M stand for mate?" an irish looking boy asked.

"King Magick, and don't forget it." Harry wheezed as he flexed his back before wandering towards the showers. The boys simply stared as he walked away.

Harry finally wandered down to breakfast, the last to enter. "Always did like to make an entrance." He laughed as he nudged himself between the young Hermione Granger and an irate looking redheaded boy.

"Excuse me mate?" The boy cried, as he shuffled out of the way.

"Y'er 'scused." Harry smiled before turning back to the brown haired beauty before him. "Soooo hows about I walk you's to class, love?"

Hermione simply stared incredulously as she realized most of the dining hall was watching what was going on. "Going to carry her books too mate?" the boy known as Ron inquired.

"Hells na' fucka!" Harry bellowed, "Dats bitch shiat! Why you even talking to me?" His voice carried through the entire room as he whirled on the red head.

Ron looked like a fish. His mouth opened, but no sound came out, his face turning redder by the moment.

"Why!"

"Hello there!"

"Yes well, you'll just…"

"Come with us!"

Two young twins, that Harry slightly remembered from the train ride had leapt up and were now both dragging Ron away from Harry and towards the hall. As they left he could still hear them completing each others sentences.

"You!"

"Do not fuck!"

"With that guy!"

"He could kill you!"

"Then mum would have our…"

"Balls!"

"I was going to say head… but yes, balls!"

Hermione smirked as she placed a hand over her mouth, pretending to hiccup. She loved how wild this new guy was, but she couldn't bring herself to reciprocate his advances.

Class was a different experience for both Harry and his teachers. Harry sat in the back of all of his classes, and listened intently to all the lessons. He needed to feel out the teachers and see what he could get away with, and where. It being the first day and all, he was better to make good first impressions. Though he noticed that he had that Professor who watched him smash some goons the next day, he paid it no mind.

"Fuck…Shit… Errrr… God damn it." Harry hissed under his breath as he stared into his transfiguration textbook. "What the fuck is this fucking word?" He grumbled as he sat on his bed. He tried doing his homework on his bed, so that the others would not see his meager education.

Many miles away, a very haggard looking Remus Lupin was running his fingers through his hair as he watched one of Harry's hoes get inside a car and drive away with another John. "What the fuck am I doing?" He thought to himself as he leaned back in Harry's Cadillac. He was immediately shocked out of his Reverie as he realized Cynthia was running towards the Cadillac screaming as three men were chasing her.

"Fuck." Remus yelped as he jumped out of the car. "Stop right there you fucks!" He bellowed as Cynthia ran behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders and peaking from beneath his elbow.

The three men looked at each other, then to Remus, and back to each other before laughing. "You think you can do something mate?" They cackled.

"Show em you the man Remmie!" Cynthia grinned as she squeezed lightly on his biceps.

Remus hated how uncivilized the ruffians behaved. "You have two seconds to get the fuck off my turf and never show your face again." Remus hated speaking so beastly, but he learned quickly people would try to take advantage of you if you didn't speak their language.

"You in trouble old man." One of the thugs growled.

Remus' lip curled into a snarl. "I will have you know sir, I am not OLD!" The ground began to shake as Remus' arms began to swell within his suit. His werewolf instincts begging to surface, he found he HATED being insulted in front of Cynthia.

"Hey there mate, we was just playing!" The thugs said in unison as they began to back up, but the damage was already done.

Remus rushed forward grabbing one of the thugs by the face, his hand palming the man's entire skull like a basketball player. His features enlarging as his lycan genes hyper-activated, stimulated by his adrenalin. He couldn't "truly" change form, but he certainly enjoyed some perks. "AHHHHHWOOOOOOOOOOO!" A blood-curdling howl burst from his throat as he yanked his unfortunate victim high into the air, spinning him a moment and then slamming him like a club into the other two thugs.

Cynthia watched in awe as Remus smashed the three thugs who had tried to beat her, as though they were children's toys. "I see why he doesn't carry a weapon." She thought to herself. "God he is hot, for looking like he's 50, I would tear into him like he were a scratching post." She blushed as she watched him pummel one of the aggressors until his face looked a lot like hamburger meat.

"I think that's good hun." Cynthia called as it looked as though Remus were about to start gnawing on the last thug. "Just throw em into the alley and we will be ok."

Remus turned and stared at Cynthia for a moment before he seemed to snap back into reality. He looked down at the leg he were holding and simply chucked the guy into the alley, before picking his friends up and repeating it for each other them.

The rest of the night went as planned, and Remus collected a rather large sum of money, which he placed into an envelope, as per Harry's orders. He was becoming good at pimping, and as loathe as he were to admit it, he was enjoying it.

"Harry Potter! See me after class!" Professor Flitwick squeeked, moments before the students cleared out of the room.

Harry grumbled as he waited for the other students to leave. He knew his grades weren't to hot, in fact, they were dreadful in all of his class. At this rate, 10 points from failing would be hot for him.

"Mr. Potter, I wish to discuss your grades with you. For Gods sake son, you are on the verge of flunking out of school, and it is only the first week."

Harry hung his head; he wasn't sure what to say. "Sorry?"

"Son, it's like you don't even try. Do you purposely write your S backwards?" Flitwick continued.

"I never learned to write so good." Harry mumbled.

"What?"

"I says im a fuckin idiot who never got schooled right!" Harry yelled, his eyes flashing both shame and anger.

Flitwicks mouth simply mouthed like a fish, not knowing what to say. Only able to meagerly raise a hand as he watched Harry rush out of the room.

Dumbledore rubbed his temples slowly as he attempted to make sense of what all of the teachers were telling him. It was obvious Harry could be a good student; he excelled in the practical side of magick. It was his marks in homework and written exams that were killing him. "I don't know what to do." He sighed.

"Expel him?" Severus Snape pleaded, his eyes round and wet like a puppy.

"No."

"Damn."

"Perhaps find him a tutor?" Flitwick suggested.

"An' who'ed wanna tutor 'em?" Hagrid thought aloud. "Not to be offendin, but H'arry ain't exactly the easiest guy to be aroun'."

"I concur." Professor McGonnagol chimed in. "But I do know that he seems to fancy Ms. Granger."

"WHAT?" Snape coughed as his head shot up, a look of horror on his face. "Potter and the Brain? DISGUSTING! VILE! A romance made for day time wizarding vision if I ever heard of it!"

Dumbledore silenced Snape with a look before turning back to Minerva. "What do you propose Minnie?"

"I propose nothing, I observed he has what looks like a crush for Ms. Granger, and as she is the most intelligent person in this school, I think perhaps he would be receptive to her help." She replied.

"What if they fall in loooove?" Snape emphasized the last part. "They may end up mating." He shuddered. "Then where would we be? I will tell you where! We will be up "Lets ask Snape for help, and he will say no creek without a wand!" His head nodding fiercely he continues. "That is where you will be… That, and I will be disgusted by the thought of any woman ever touching that vile young man."

"What in de'r hell didin' ya just say?" Hagrid exclaimed, a look of confusion etched into his features as he stared wide eyed at the potion professor.

"Snape?" Dumbledore stated, watching as he caught the professors attention. "Shut your mutha fuckin trap yo."

Silence fell upon the entire meeting as every one turned towards Dumbledore.

Within moments Dumbledore was clapping his hands and giggling, "That was fun, I see why Harry speaks as he does! I must use more colorful euphemisms in my speech!"

"cough cough. It is settled then, Minerva shall speak to Ms. Granger about tutoring Mr. Potter." Flitwick nodded sagely, before picking up the small gavel on Dumbledores desk, tapping it twice to end the meeting, and beginning to walk out.

"Hey. That's my job!" Dumbledore called after Flitwick, his wrist in the air limply. He then reached down and tapped the gavel three times with a grin on his face. "Much better."

Sirius Black lay in his cell within the heart of Azkaban, his mind blank, though every muscle in his body sat rigid as he concentrated on nothingness. If he had learned one thing since he had ended up in prison, was how to ignore the effects of the Dementors for a short time.

"Wake up!" A human male guard growled as he tossed a stone at Sirius. "Get the hell up and get out of this cage!" He scowled as he yanked Sirius up by his scruff and drug him out of the cage, down the hall, through the door, and past old man Honky, the only prisoner to ever honk at a Dementor.

"Wha?" Sirius looked around as he realized he was at the gates of Azkaban.

"You are free to go. Go do something I guess." The guard shrugged, shivered, then turned on his heels and walked away from Sirius as the gate slammed shut.

"Drugs? No… Haven't had drugs in forever. Hallucinating? Perhaps." He thought as he pinched his own leg. "No… Maybe I am dead? No, then that pinch wouldn't have hurt. Fuck, I'm off then!" With that, Sirius Black made an about face, and began to whistle as best he could as he hobbled towards the docks that would take him back to England, still filthy.

"How ya doin?" The docksman inquired as he took one look at Sirius as cast a charm over his nose.

"Fine." Sirius smiled, his teeth rotten and green. "Just fine."

"Good." The docksman grinned back as he unmoored the boat and offered Sirius a ragged blanket to sit on.

"Thanks." Sirius Black, the most famous murdered in wizard lore since Grendalwald and Lord Voldemort, was now a free man. Cleared of all charges and free to roam the land, he simply spent the next day under the sun by the beach lying on his back till his skin ached.

After what felt like years of freedom to Sirius, he found himself an owl and sent an urgent message to Dumbledore asking to be picked up.

Harry sat on the floor as he conversed with the strange green creature who called him self Dobby. "So you are trying to say you is a slave?"

Dobby thought for a moment, and then nodded his head in the affirmative.

"Damn. That ain't good." Harry exclaimed. "I don't need me a slave, but I do need a partner."

"Dobby wishes to serve Master Potter, as he is the great destroyer of Voldemort." Dobby nodded.

"Yea, I read about dat shiat." Harry laughed. "Look Dobby, you find me a room I can use in secret. That'll make us partners, and I will get you a hat. Deal?" Harry asked.

Dobby lit up like a Christmas tree, his eyes glowing like fluorescent light bulbs. Within moments he had popped out of existence, and before Harry could stand, he was back. "Master Harry's room is awaiting him."

"Daaaaaaaamn." Harry grinned as he followed the small house elf through the castle towards a deserted hallway.

"Simply think of what you want, concentrate hard, like I know you can, because you are so great…. As I was saying, concentrate, then walk past this door three times, and Master Harry will have his wish." Dobby positively beamed with pride as he held Harry's hand, walking him before the door.

With a soft pop, a beautiful red wood door appeared within the wall, the soft thump of bass coming from within. "Thank you so much Dobby." Harry grinned as he opened the door, and entered, ready to cast a few spells to finish prepping the room for his new endeavor.

"How would you like to make a little extra money on the side Dobby?" Harry asked, as he rubbed his hands together.

"I can only take three sickles, daily." Dobby nodded fiercely as he grinned at Harry.

"You will take one galleon a day ma man." Harry argued, he hated to fuck people over, and wasn't going to let Dobby screw himself.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Two galleons!"

"Fine, one galleon."

"Deal."

With that, Harry and Dobby shook hands and Harry finished preparing the room for its grand opening.

**At Harrys old house –**

"Whooopppppeeee!" Sirius screamed as he hopped up into the air. "Harry is alive?"

"That's right." Dumbledore and Lupin explained in unison, just as Remus' cell phone rang.

"Look at you! So fancy now!" Sirius grinned as he watched Lupin pick the phone up.

"Yes… Ok… $300… If he says he can't pay one more time, hand him the phone. Ok. That's better. I will see you girls soon. Yes. We will have company. Bring me three of those chicken sandwiches I like." Then Remus hung up.

Sirius simply stared blankly at Remus before asking, "What was that all about?"

Dumbledore replied in his most serious tone, "Hoes and Tricks."

"Gah?" Sirius asked seriously confused. "Did you. Did he? What?" Sirius stuttered as he pointed to Lupin and Dumbledore in turn.

"I have a job." Lupin began slowly, attempting to judge Sirius' reactions.

"Ok." Sirius gestured for Lupin to continue.

"I work for Harry." Lupin sighed. "I am standing in his position while he finishes school.

"So Harry owns a business? What does he do?" Sirius grinned widely as he leaned forward in his chair.

"Not exactly what he does Sirius." Dumbledore grinned, "But who does IT for him." Dumbledore burst into tearful laughter as he clapped his hands. "I made a funny."

"Gah?" Sirius' mouth hung open, as he still didn't understand what Lupin and Dumbledore were dancing around.

"Harry is a pimp. Well, he is on hiatus while I control his pimpdom." Lupin finally blurted.

"HAHAHAHAHA! Oh God Moony! That is RICH!" Sirius began to laugh. "Ow, my sides!" His face contorted in a large grin, he didn't notice Lupin and Dumbledore share a look. "Pimpdom! Ha!"

"We aren't kidding." Lupin growled.

"But…" Sirius began.

"Look, we don't like it either, but it is what happened, and there is no changing him." Dumbledore sighed.

Lupin nodded slowly before speaking. "You will see. He is a good kid. Just, different."

"I have to see him." Sirius demanded, his face pale.

"In due time." Dumbledore replied, "In due time."

Back at Hogwarts – 

The student body was in a buzz. Harry Potter had begun passing out enchanted flyers to all the boys inviting them to a party. The flyer had directions to a certain hallway, the secret on how to enter, and how much it cost to enjoy the "entertainment" that would be available.

"Please. Mam. I really must go to Hogsmeade.!" Harry begged McGonnagal, his eyes betrayed his urgency.

"Mr. Potter. I simply cannot allow students to leave when ever they please." She replied sternly.

For a moment, Harry was silent, contemplative. McGonnagal felt as though for once he may relent in his ways, before Harry leaned forward and whispered to her. "I bet you would like a new dress, or three."

His hand slowly slipped into his pocket and dropped a jingling bag onto the table that drew the line between student and teacher. He winked casually at her. Time seemed to come to a stand still before the world exploded around him.

"I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT BRIBERY IS AN EXPELLABLE OFFENSE MISTER POTTER!" Her shrill voice shaking the walls with every syllable.

"Mmmhmmmm." Harry leaned forward bridging the gap between them licking his lips. "Mabe you want something else, love?"

"Out."

"What?" Harry inquired, his eyes innocent.

"I said OUT!" McGonnagal shook with barely suppressed rage.

"Damn. Frigid." Harry grumbled as he swiped his money off the table.

"Mr. Potter." Dumbledore smiled serenly as he passed Harry in the halls.

"Mr. Dumbledore." Harry waved slightly. "Is there a way for me to go to Hogsmeade?"

"For what?" Dumbledore asked.

"To deliver a letter." Harry replied, his face serious.

"Mr. Potter. You do know, owls deliver letters, right?" Dumbledore twinkled.

"Of course. Never mind." Harry blushed. "Christ. I almost licked an ancient –omb." Harry mumbled as he walked quickly away.

"Funny. I thought I heard him say womb. He must have meant tomb." Dumbledore shrugged cheerily.

The next day, Harry had written and owled three letters. One to Lupin. One to The Three Broomsticks. His final one, he had sent to the redheaded twins. Dobby had helped with one letter.

Lupins Letter- 

"I want to talk to you." Lupin began as he beckoned Cynthia over to him away from the other women. "I need to tell you…" What he wanted to tell her would have to wait, as an owl had just dropped a letter on his head.

"Is that from K.M?" Cynthia grinned widely as she bounced on her heels. "I sure hope it is. I miss him. Not that you aren't a good pimp. You just aren't my little Harry." She smiled as she blushed.

"It is. Let me read it real quick." Lupin cut the envelope open with his fingernail, taking care not to damage the contents. He immediately began reading.

**Dear Lupin,**

School is gud. I em enjoyin ma self. I miss ma hos. Let em no I mis em. I knead u to do mee a favur. Look in ma cabenet in da haal o' da hous. Send me ma pimp hat. I be kneading dat shiat. Peece junck yard. (junck yard be what I be callin ya. Cuz you be meen like da muthea fukin junck yard dog.)

**King Magick**

"Harry needs his hat." Lupin looked to Cynthia as he realized she was petting the delivery owl. "He is waiting for me to get the hat. Do you know which one he may want? He has so many." Lupin scratched his head.

Cynthia took the letter from Harry, scanned it for a moment, and then returned it to him. "Cute. Junk yard." She giggled as she beckoned him to follow her back to the house. "Lets get him his purple and his green one."

"Ok." Lupin agreed, albeit slightly confused on how she could deduce this.

**The Three Broomsticks letter-**

**Dear Madam Rosmerta,**

**"My name is Dabby. I represent my mast friend. He needs butterbeer and firewhisky. My house elve Dobby will pick it up. He brings monies.**

**Long live the great wonderful awesome Harry Potter. He is so great.**

**Doabby**

"Well. I suppose if he has money. I can sell to this house elve." Madam Rosmerta thought to her self as she read over the letter. "This Dabby guy sure loves Harry Potter, but then again, who wouldn't. Slayer of you-know-who and all." She shivered slightly before beginning to pack several boxes with an array of alcoholic beverages beyond what was requested. "I like to make friends with wizards with house elves." She giggled.

The Twins- 

The Weasely twins opened their letter, each grasping an opposite end as they peered down at the paper, their eyes becoming larger and larger.

"With this much money."

"For such easy work."

"We could."

"Start our business!" They finally chimed in unison.

The rest of the common room looked up at the twins as they had been standing in a dark corner. "Er." They thought before noticing Harry watching them.

"Get back to work you fucks!" They screamed, shocking even them selves. Then Fred peeked at Harry, only to see him nodding his head appreciatively.

Harry mouthed at Fred silently, "Meet me outside." He then stood up casually and walked out the portrait hole.

Fred and George waited a moment before following suit.

"I need bouncers." Harry stated flatly as he turned to the twins. "Follow me." He then led them to the room of Requirments and opened the door to the most splendid nightclub any one could ever imagine. There was music, lights, ground smoke, cushy couches, a fully stocked bar, and several walkways with poles that where well lit.

"Welcome to club Harry." Harry grinned as he opened his arms wide, guiding the twins in behind him. "I need you two, to keep the boys in check, and the girls safe." He continued.

"We can do it." The twins chimed in unison.

"It will be your ass if you fuck up." Harry turned stern. Yet, the twins were unfazed, ready to perform their duties to their fullest extent.

"When do you open?"

"Friday."

**Thursday Night-**

"Hermy?" Harry whispered from his spot on the couch, his thick cockney accent shining through. (Yea, thick cockney… that describes him…)

Hermione HATED it when ANYONE butchered her name, but for this one time, she found, she couldn't be angry. "Yes?" She replied.

"Hermy. Could you? May be? Never mind. I be fine." Harry quickly spluttered as he scratched at his parchment.

"No. What is it Harry?" Hermione stood up and tried to casually move to where he sat.

"It's just. Well…" Harry thought for a moment, before surprising Hermione with his speech. "Mutha fuckin Snape be bitin on ma mutha fucking ass, just cuz I can't be spellin a couple of mutha fuckin words right. I know dis shit, like I know ma trade, and dis muther fucker be disrespectin me."

Hermione simply stared before slowly reaching towards Harry's parchment. She had just noticed he had been clutching it so she couldn't see it, almost on purpose. "I don't know what you just said. I am going to check your work though. Ok?"

Harry simply nodded and let the paper slip from his fingertips as he watched her intently.

"Is that… nervousness?" Hermione thought as she threw a sideways glance at Harry before turning to his parchment. She choked. "Oh God. This is terrible. Why did I agree to help this idiot?" Hermione cringed as she stared slack jawed at the work that Harry had created. She considered it a mockery of the language that she cherished so much. It surprised when Harry began to speak.

"See. I know you be makin all dem high marks and shi- stuff." He had tried to control his speech in front of her. "Not that all yo work be shit. I just be sayin. I thought mabe you could let me know how I be doin. Voice an opinion and shit." Harry seemed to be rambling.

"Well." Hermione began as she tried to hide her cringe. "Let me start here." She reached towards Harry's quill, dipped it in ink, and began to write on his parchment. "When referring to a bezoar. I do not believe Professor Snape appreciates it if we refer to it as the STUFF that comes out of the… yes, foul language here wouldn't apply Harry."

"I weren't sure how to say it no other way. Mutha fuckin shit dat comes out da goats nasty ass stomach makes all da sense to me." Harry scratched his head, but seemed intent to learn.

Hermione allowed Harry to huddle over her shoulder, ashamed of her attraction to his smell. Unbeknownst to her though, Harry had noticed her inhaling his scent. He had a natural talent for knowing what a woman likes or may be thinking.

"Dolce." He whispered into her ear causing her to stutter.

"What?" She almost shouted, causing several of the other students to look their way.

"I said." He hissed slowly. "Dolce. Its ma cologne. Dolce and Gabana. I see you be likin it."

"Yes well!" Hermione stood up quickly. "Here is your parchment, just recopy what I wrote!" With that, she almost ran to the girls dormitory.

Harry leaned back, and noticing that the red headed boy called Ron was walking towards him, Harry decided to end this once and for all.

Before Ron could react, Harry was on his feet with his eyes wild. Harry held his wand at a strange angle, and began to scream at Ron. "Break yo self you mutha fuckin red headed tampon lookin mutha fucka!"

Ron staggered backwards with his hands up, his mouth moving like a fish.

"Stop yo muthafuckin walkin up on ma ass, actin like you mutha fuckin hard. You betta check yo self, be'fo you wreck yo self! I WILL fuck yo shit up, and you wont even know WHAT THE FUCK!" Harry's face was now as red as Ron's hair, his wand jabbing and jerking erratically towards Ron.

Ron seemed to find some courage and straightened himself up after looking over his shoulder. What he saw, Harry did not notice as Ron began to speak. "Look mate, you stay away from her. You are trash, and you don't deserve her."

The silence in the common room was deafening.

POP!

Harry had swung back his wand and whipped it towards Ron. A bright purple line ran from the tip of the wand and cracked like a whip against Ron's face. The purple of the magick matched Harry's face.

"You muther fucker." Harry hissed, no longer the inviting tone he used with Hermione, his voice now sounded like death itself. "You don't EVER tell King Magick who he can or can't speak to."

Before Ron could open his mouth or react, Harry took a step forward and jammed his wand into Rons stomache and leaned forward so his mouth was against his ear.

What ever Harry told Ron in those seconds left him shaking as Harry walked away. As Harry left the portrait hole, Ron ran to the nearest open window and wretched out it.

Harry had decided to make a powerful exit, and now that he was out of the common room, he didn't know what to do. So he began to walk. He walked until he came to the entrance to the dungeons, and simply stood there staring at the stairs downward. It was then that he realized his homework was stuffed into his pocket, heavily damaged, but readable.

"Confused or lost? Drugs?" Came the cold harsh tone of Severus Snape the Potions Master.

"I fucked up." Harry sighed.

"Yes you are. Follow me." Snape seemed to soften for a moment before walking down into the dungeons, his harsh glare back in full force.

"Why you always bustin ma balls?" Harry asked, surprised when Snape whirled around to face him.

"I hate you." Snape replied flatly.

"Why?" Harry inquired, genuinely interested. "Im fair. I got a strong pimp hand, and I be putting down ma best damn work I can in yo class."

"Exactly. You are a… for lack of a better term… a fuck up. You disgust me, you woo the women, you flirt insatiably, and you have a pension for swearing and violence only rivaled by Sirius Black."

"Don't know what to say." Harry replied as he watched Snape turn back around and beckon him further.

"You ain't planning to kill me down here is you?" Harry laughed, but sobered up as Snape refused to answer.

Deeper into the dungeons they ventured until they came to the potion masters classroom. Where Snape motioned for Harry to find a seat.

"We will work on your atrocious grammar. Now." Snape growled as he jerked a hand at some chalk and his rolling black board, summoning them to where Harry sat. "Spell cat." He grumbled as he shoved the chalk into Harry's hand.

"C a t" Harry grinned as he wrote the letters on the board.

"WRONG!" Snape startled Harry as his hand slammed onto the desk, "Your letter C is backwards. Fix it!"

The night continued on, until morning, Snape helping Harry learn to write properly, though it only softened his writing a smidgen.

"Watching you write is like watching a street urchin wipe their ass with fine French silk." Snape grumbled as the bell to the school chimed that it was morning.

Harry could now write better, but it only allowed him to write his colorful slang words and cuss words in an easier method.

**Friday-**

"Shit!" Harry growled as he pulled himself up the many flights of stairs out of the dungeon. "Hey there!" He quickly smiled as he noticed Hermione passing the path to the dungeons in front of him.

She stumbled for a moment, turned to look at him, smiled, then SLAPPED THE HELL OUT OF HIM! "That is for Ron you animal!" She yelled before running down the hall.

Harry turned to find Snape laughing uproariously at him.

"Fuck dat shit." Harry hissed as he stomped down the hall towards the great hall.

As he opened the door to the great hall, he noticed Hermione was crying and huddled in the arms of the red headed girl. "Forgot her name." He thought.

Ron looked angry, but was decidedly not looking at him. It was painfully obvious Harry wasn't wanted at his Houses table, so he walked right over to where Snape was eating at the head.

"What do you want?" Snape hissed, as the rest of the school, including Dumbledore was silent, watching what Harry was doing.

Harry simply reached out, snatching a chicken leg from his plate. Grinning as he watched Snapes mouth fall open. "Cun-var-sation." Harry stumbled a bit on the word but grinned to himself as he summoned a chair and scooted in between Snape and Dumbledore.

"What better way to enjoy breakfast?" Dumbledore clapped Harry on the back and began to regale him with tales of his adventures as a younger man. Harry simply smiled and enjoyed the feeling of minor success he had.

That night Harry had dressed in his favorite suit. It was bright honey yellow with green trim. "Yellow for the honeys and green for da monies." He had laughed to himself as he walked down from the boys' dorm room, noticing the stares he got, mostly from the women.

Harry nodded at the twins as they stood and took their place behind him. They certainly looked intimidating. They both wore dress robes with the arms tore off them, temporary magickal tattoos running up and down their arms. They looked like mirror images of bad assery.

"Alllllll riiiight." Harry smiled as he carried his cane in one hand and his wand in the other. They quickly exited and made their way to the room of requirements. Where Harry summoned his nightclub.

"Ok." Harry explained to the twins as they stood within the club. "You take their money as they come in. If they get rowdy, you fuck em up and take more money. No bitches or bottles either."

Fred and George nodded and turned towards the door, their arms crossed.

Harry surveyed his club, now that it was about to go into full swing. He had hired four prostitutes from Hogsmeade to dance for his patrons. The bar was stocked to the brim with Dobby in his new clothes manning the tap.

Dobby wore a blood red suite and a small hat with horns on it that made him look like a small devil. Dobby loved it, and Harry thought it sufficiently creepy to keep the boys from trying to roll the elf over. Harry didn't know how powerful a house elf really was.

The music began to play as Harry sat down on a rather large chintzy couch towards the back of the club. He let his hat tip down low on his face as he rested his cane and wand in a cross pattern on his lap.

He could hear the boys slowly filtering in, their whoops and hollering filling the silence between songs as the girls did their thing, and the alcohol loosened wallets. It was well into the night when he caught a noise that made him lift his head up, there was a struggle going on at the door. Harry watched objectively before catching a glimpse of bushy brown hair causing him to leap to his feet and rush to the door in a blur of color.

Whats da problem?" He hollered as he halted Fred and George from shoving Hermione out the door.

"You said no bit." But before Fred could finish, Harry silenced him with a look. "This girl is ok."

"I am a prefect! This is a severe breach in the rules of this school!" She shrieked.

Harry walked up to her, placed his finger on her mouth, and then slipped his hand into hers. "Follow me." He whispered, causing her legs to almost buckle. "I want to show you something."

"I will have you know…" She began before her mouth went dry as she realized one of the girls up on stage was a schoolteacher for children to young to attend Hogwarts, and she was currently bent over revealing… everything.

"Sit." Harry offered her a spot on his red couch.

She sat, unable to take her eyes of the women dancing on the stage.

"I am doing the job that needs to be done." Harry motioned towards the club with his cane. "I am working the second oldest job known the man."

"What is the oldest?" Hermione inquired.

"Prostitution." Harry replied, causing her to choke. "Look at these girls. They are getting paid big bucks to simply dance. The boys are enjoying a healthy relaxing night away from the stress of school, hell, I got me one of dem house elves working for me." Harry motioned towards Dobby. "Muther fucker be trying to fuck himself out of money, but I ain't be standing for that. He be getting paid good too. That suit he be wearing cost $800 pounds."

Hermione simply stared at Harry, a knew found respect for him slowly forming, albeit reluctantly. "I never thought of it as a service. I see this as, debauchery?" She seemed to be wrestling with her own thoughts.

Harry nodded before asking. "What is debauchery?"

"Bad behavior." She replied.

Harry stood up, offering his hand to Hermione. "Come with me?"

"Where?" She asked, as he helped her up.

"To my office." He smiled lopsidedly towards a red and gold trimmed door that was tucked away in a shadow. "It will be quieter."

Hermione caught a glimpse of the light green glow of the letters on the door as Harry led her by her hand. "VIP… Huh…" She thought.

As soon as the door closed, the lights in the room dimmed and the noise of the room just beyond the archway became completely deaf. The tune _I'm So Icey _by Gucci Mane reverberated softly as though the entire room breathed the song.

Hermione breathed in deeply as her eyes adjusted to the new colors and lights. There was a desk, towards the far left wall, and to the right was a couch that looked like it could barely fit one person, let alone two, without them being all over each other. There was also a very old looking record player, which sat up against the wall leaving a rather large space where persons could dance.

Harry snaked an arm around Hermione causing her to catch her breath, the song that was playing slowly raised in tone as he began dancing with her. With one arm around her waist and another in the air, his fingers snapping to the beat he began swaying slowly.

"I… I… I can't dance." Hermione stuttered as she had put both arms around Harry's neck.

"Could fool me." Harry whispered into her ear as the music seeped into them.

Hermione blushed as Harry's body ground against hers.

"Drink?" Harry offered as he now held two thin wine glasses filled with pumpkin juice.

"How did you do that?" Hermione asked as she untwined one arm to hold her drink.

"Magick." Harry grinned at her before winking at Dobby as Dobby disappeared without a sound.

"Why me?" Hermione finally blurted as the song changed. (grind on me- pretty ricky)

Harry's pace slowed to match the tenor of the music. Hermione thought he may even be "grinding" on her. "I wanted you since I first laid eyes on you." He whispered into her ear, his lips barely grazing the tip.

"No…?" Hermione wheezed.

"Yes." Harry breathed back, still dangerously close to her ear.

Hermione could feel her knees shaking.

"All I wanted since I laid eyes on you was this. You right here." He sighed contentedly.

"Just this?" Hermione asked before she could stop herself. She hoped she hadn't sounded as disappointed as she felt.

"You are the kind of girl who could make a player want to quit the game." Harry leaned his face down into the nape of Hermione's neck, inhaling her scent deeply. "Cinnamon. I love Cinnamon." His wet lips graced her neck meeting with his breath; sending electrifying chills up and down her back.

Hermione felt like putty, and even though there was a logical part of her mind screaming to push him away, the rest of her was ready to do anything he wanted.

Before she could protest, Harry pulled away from her. "I should stop." He sighed.

"No! I mean. Why?" Hermione's face looked panicked for a moment.

Harry took another drink from his pumpkin juice, savoring the scent of the drink and Hermione's cinnamon scent mixing together around his lips. Harry walked over to the couch and sat down, taking up the entire thing. "I know what you think about me."

"You do?" She asked, her voice shaking a little.

"I aint smart enough to be your man." Harry sighed.

"What?" Hermione's voice almost sounded frantic.

"You are beautiful, and smart, and everything a man could want." Harry leaned back; it looked as though it was sapping his strength to say each word. "You could never love me."

"That is ridiculous!" Hermione breathed sharply.

"Any man who says otherwise is a fool." Harry sighed deeper this time. "I'm just ugly ol King Magick."

Hermione didn't know when Harry had unbuttoned his jacket, but the view of his chest and stomach spoke volumes about how UN-ugly Harry was. Then she heard what she didn't want to hear.

"What about your man?" Harry asked slowly, as he watched her gravitate towards him.

"My what?" Hermione questioned, "You mean Ron?" She scoffed.

"Isn't he?" Harry asked, looking dejected."

"Of course not! Ron is a prat!" Hermione replied quickly as she walked right up to Harry, her kneecaps pressing lightly against his.

"But I aint that smart either." Harry looked up at her, his lopsided grin returning to his face.

"I have smarts for the both of us." Hermione replied.

"You talk like you like me." Harry grinned.

"Perhaps I do?" Hermione blushed.

Before Harry could reply, another song began playing. (Slow Motion Remix- Juvenile/Wyclef/Ying Yang Twins/ UTP) It looked like something had pushed on Hermione's back as she bent over with both hands on either of Harry's shoulders, her legs locked tight against his.

"Thanks Dobby." Harry thought as she stared down into his eyes. "Why don't we play like you are my teacher, and I give you your first lesson."

"That doesn't make sense." She grinned down at him.

"It will when I am done with you." He smirked as he ran his fingertips up and down her arms.

She shivered to his touch, and so he continued. He took both of her wrists in his hands, and leaning forward, pull her hands off the couch and twirled her around. Slowly he lowered her onto his lap, her arms pinned and crossed behind her back. She had a surprised look on her face as she looked over her shoulder at him. Her bottom was so firm against his lap.

Harry gently began moving his hips, grinding against her, trying to show her the rhythm of the song. "Feel the beat?" He whispered into her ear, allowing his tongue to flick momentarily within as he stressed the t.

"I think so." She groaned a little harder then she meant to.

"Just move your waist and keep your top half stable." And as she began, Harry attempted to encourage her. "Just like thaaa---- dammmmmn girl. Just like that." His voice hitching as she quickly found the rhythm, wiggling her arms free so she could grasp Harry's knees.

As Hermione entered her rhythm, teasing and titillating Harry's body with her movements, he ventured to plant a kiss on the back of her neck. His lips picking up the taste of her sweat and shampoo, he breathed hard pulling air over her dampness sending shivers through her entire body.

Her movements where not nearly as refined at the other girls Harry had danced with. Yet, this clumsy bookworm was turning him on in ways he had never felt.

Harry groaned in his throat as his hands gripped her waist, he almost yelped as he felt her stand up before he realized she was turned around and now straddling him. "You sure you want this girl?"

"Give me more." She breathed into his mouth, as she pressed hard with her lips against his.

"Girl gonna bruise my ass." He thought to himself before breaking away from her lips long enough to nibble on her collarbone.

Harry didn't consciously notice that she was still grinding her hips against him as they kissed, but the rest of him knew.

KNOCK KNOCK!

"Fuck." Harry and Hermione breathed in unison as the door was knocked on.

"I got it." Harry growled as Hermione moved off his lap.

Hermione's eyes went wide, as she realized there was a rather tent like shape Harry was sporting, that he didn't seem to mind answering the door with.

Professor Snape stood at the door.

"Fuck me." Harry sighed as he made eye contact.

"Couldn't get Minerva so you come after me Potter?" Snape sneered before peering down. "MERLIN! Put that thing away! Give me our Prefect you lecherous monster."

Hermione walked forward trying to straighten her jeans and hair, her face flushed.

"I care not about what goes on in here, but you will not be tainting our prize student with your satanic seed." Snape growled before gesturing for Hermione to leave.

"Fuck." Harry growled as he watched them disappear behind the doors back to the castle. "Get back to partying! One free drink!" He shouted, to reassure every one that everything was ok.

"I love a drink." Harry spun around to find Dumbledore standing behind him with a scraggly looking man.

"Am I expelled?" Harry cocked his head, as he followed Dumbledore's gaze to the woman on stage currently riding a pole.

"No! Of course not!" Dumbledore chuckled, "Follow me." Walking the three of them into Harry's VIP room.

"You look hungry." Harry commented to the scraggly looking man with tears in his eyes looking between Harry and the women.

"I can't believe this." He could hear the man mumbling as he shook his head.

"You all right?" Harry inquired as he watched the man tremble.

"I just… I can't believe, I finally get a chance to meet my godson, and I want to tackle one of them women up there." Sirius looked stressed.

"It's all good. So who is yo godson?" Harry continued the conversation; ready to hand this man Lupin's card.

He was ready, until Sirius replied with, "You."

Dumbledore began speaking before Harry could reply. "I have brought Mister Sirius Black to meet you Harry. We began by going to your House's tower, but it was strangely devoid of all males. So we went to Slytherin's common room, again devoid of males, so off to Hufflepuff. Not one man. Finally we went to Ravenclaw where again not one man remained. So Professor Snape was kind enough to cast a powerful tracking charm, and found all the testosterone had found it's way here."

"Awesome." Harry replied, plainly in awe of his inability to hide anything from this headmaster.

"I also noticed Ms. Granger was missing. Is everything ok?" Dumbledore was now looking down his nose at Harry.

"Of course. Just teaching her how to dance." Harry replied, holding his eye contact.

"I am sure you were." Dumbledore returned to twinkling, as he gestured to the scraggly man. This is Sirius Black, your Godfather."

Harry pushed Sirius back as he attempted to hug him. "Where you been since I was a kid?" Harry asked harshly.

"In Prison." Sirius began to sob.

"For what?" Harry asked softly.

"I killed your parents." Sirius choked.

"What!" Harry yelled rounding hard on Sirius. "You did what?"

"I wasn't able to save them, I good as killed them when I let our traitor friend protect them, instead of I." Sirius was now shaking.

"If it was an honest mistake, there aint nothing you can do." Harry whispered before putting a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Huggin is fo hoes" Harry smirked.

Sirius looked towards Harry, his stomach untying from the knot it was in.

"So what you doin now?" Harry finally asked.

"I guess I will be looking for work. Not many people will hire an ex murderer though." Sirius sighed.

"Work for me." Harry stated. It wasn't a question.

"Doing?" Sirius cocked his head, his dog like mannerisms shining through.

"Deputy Pimp and Enforcer for Lupin." Harry replied calmly. "You carry the bat and the gun. So to speak." Harry shrugged as he pointed to Sirius' wand.

"Ok." Sirius grinned slightly. "I wanted to be a pimp when I was like fourteen years old." He laughed.

"I was a pimp when I was fourteen, still am." Harry grinned cheekily.

Dumbledore summoned a chair and sat down. His face plastered with a large grin. "I am so happy you two are getting along."

"It's nice to make new friends." Harry slightly stuttered as he tried to clean up his language around Dumbledore. Harry had a lot of respect for the old man.

"Not to sound ungrateful." Harry began. "But, you cool with this?" He motioned around towards the door.

"You stair at Minerva's ass for seventy years. Then you tell me." Dumbledore grinned before standing up and walking out.

"Mutha fucka be nuts." Harry snickered as he shook his head.

"Mutha fucka definitely be nuts." Sirius confirmed with a large grin.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: All the sex in this chapter has been edited out. Again, this chapter meets all posting requirements. A lot of speaking goes on during the scenes I removed, so if there is something you don't under stand that the characters refer to, it may have happened during the deleted scenes. I have ATTEMPTED to make the story as lucid as possible, but I KNOW there will be continuity errors in here somewhere. I'm only human ya know? Don't forget to check my profile for Harry's continued adventures when you finish this fiction. One more chapter left folks.**

"Mutha fucka definitely be nuts." Sirius confirmed with a large grin.

The Next Day- 

Harry drug himself to bed at four in the morning after paying Dobby and the Twins and making sure every one had gotten back to their houses safely. It had taken forty-five minutes to get the girls paid and out the secret passages the twins used to get them in. Harry had walked each girl home individually.

He only had three hours of sleep before he was awoke by the bustling of the boys getting ready for breakfast. "Fuck shit twat muther fucker!" Harry screamed as he threw a pillow at Neville. "Do you have to make so much muther fuckin noise? Shit! OW!" Harry yelped as he had rolled over onto his erection. "I was dreaming bout someone." He yelled, as he stood up, his pant-tent obvious as he walked towards the bathroom. "You all fuckers better be out of here by the time I am done rubbing one off."

Neville and the rest of the boys looked incredulous before rushing out of the room. Ron continued to dress slowly, obviously trying to look like a hard ass.

"Mmmm…. Hermione…."

Ron's ears perked as he heard his friends' name being moaned from the bathroom. Ron waited till Harry exited the bathroom, and watched in silent fury as Harry rubbed his hand on his stomach before collapsing onto Neville's bed.

"You're a sick fuck." Ron grumbled as he walked out of the room.

Harry didn't even hear him as he had already fallen asleep.

"Hermione." Ron beckoned to her as he spied her coming down from the girls' common room.

"Yes Ronald?" Hermione seemed slightly flushed, her eyes almost distant.

"Stay away from Harry." Ron implored her, one hand resting on her shoulder. "He is disgusting, and I think he is… harboring sexual fantasies about you." Ron whispered, trying to look as though he cared about her.

Hermione thought for a moment about the night before and what she had done when she had gotten back to her dorm to herself. "What makes you think he is doing that Ronald?" Hermione decided to try to play along.

"I could hear him moaning your name in the bathroom!" Ron shouted before realizing the entire dorm was watching.

Hermione felt a blush rising up her cheeks, the thought of someone touching themselves to the thought of her would normally have disgusted her, but Harry simply excited her.

"Just stay away from him. I don't want him to rape you or something!" Ron pleaded with her.

"Can't rape the willing." Lavender Brown laughed from across the common room. "I could hear Hermione calling for Harry in her sleep."

"Fuck." Hermione thought, as she turned scarlet. "Thank God she thought I was sleeping."

Ron turned a strange shade of purple as he once again mouthed like a fish.

"Lies!" Hermione yelped as she turned around and ran back up to her dorm room.

Just as Hermione's dorm room door slammed shut, Harry swung the door to the male dorm open and screamed down. "Would you all shut da fuck up. Fuck! Mutha fuckas be makin so much noise I can't even fuckin dream right!"

"Fuck you!" Ron yelled from down stairs. The entire common room went silent.

"Weasley. You brighten my morning. Fuck me! Hah!" Harry laughed uproariously. "Fuck me. Hahahaha." The door to the boys dorm closed shut as they could continue to hear Harry laughing until he went back to bed.

Around noon Harry finally meandered down the stairs, wearing a "wife beater" (it's a sleeveless "muscle shirt" if you don't know) and a pair of baggy jeans. Looking around, Harry failed to find Hermione so he meandered out of the portrait hole and headed for the great hall. "I wonder if there is any food left." He thought as he walked into the empty great hall.

"Alakhazam!" He yelled as he pointed a finger at one of the tables. Nothing happened. "Food!" He yelled again, pointing harder. "Fuck." He groaned as he realized he could not eat outside of proper time. "I got to wait an hour." He grumbled as he began to wander down the halls, finding himself in front of the library.

Harry entered the great library, deciding he would read a book while he waited for lunch. That is when he noticed Hermione sitting in a corner with several books piled up, her form only recognizable by her bushy hair.

Harry walked right up behind her, as he realized she was oblivious, so he slipped his hands over her eyes. "I am the thief who steals your heart in the night. Who am I?" Harry whispered into her ear, watching her go from surprised to excited in a split second.

"Harry." Hermione whispered. "This is a library. Behave." Her voice stern, while her eyes betrayed her excitement to see Harry.

"What cha reading?" He whispered as he pointed to the book in her lap.

"Oh this? Nothing." Hermione replied quickly, stuffing the book in her backpack.

"Cool." Harry accepted her reluctance to speak about her book, " I got this." He smiled as he handed her a book on learning to write and read. "Shit be hard, but Ima get dis stuff." He grinned proudly.

Hermione knew the book was for children less than half Harry's age, but her soul brimmed with pride knowing Harry was working hard to catch up with his peers. "This is a good book." She encouraged him.

"Heh." He smirked. He could feel his face blushing, but he accepted her encouragement. "Thanks Hermy." He then leaned over and kissed her cheek, before standing up and leaving to read and work on his book in secret.

Hermione simply sat stunned, her hand gently pressed against her cheek. "What does this mean?" She thought, trying to figure out what she and Harry made now. "Are we a couple?" She wondered aloud.

"I would say so." Ginny giggled as she slid up next to Hermione.

"So he is kissing you now huh?" She fluttered as she gently pushed Hermione. "Spill it! What is going on!" Her face filled with excitement.

"Nothing. Well… May be a little something." Hermione grinned.

"Go on!" Ginny smiled as she listened intently to Hermione's repeat of the night before.

Unbeknownst to the girls though, Ron hid behind a bookshelf listing intently, his face turning hard as he became angry. By the time the girls were done speaking, he was charging off to fight Harry.

Harry sat by the lake, the book in one hand, piece of paper in lap, and quill in the other hand. He was slowly and painstakingly copying out of the book and attempting all the exercises. "Im gonna get dis shit." He would occasionally exclaim as he became stumped.

Harry normally paid very good attention to his surroundings, but this time, he was concentrating so hard he didn't notice till it was to late, Ron running up behind him.

BLAP!

Ron had taken a running start and football punted Harry in the back of the head knocking him unconscious. He then proceeded to stomp on him until he was panting for breath. "Fuck you!" Ron screamed before spitting on Harry.

Ron then grabbed Harry's book and paper and set them ablaze using his wand. "Stay away from her. You piece of shit." He growled as he stomped Harry one more time on the face, assuring that he broke his nose.

Harry felt weightless. "Weird mutha fuckin shit." He spoke as he took in his surroundings. It was all white. The walls were white, the floor was white, and his clothes were white. "Ahhhh fuck. I be dead." Harry groaned as he stomped on the floor.

"Not dead Harry." A voice whispered from all around. "Simply in purgatory. The space between life and death."

"Why?" Harry inquired.

"Cuz you are getting your ass beat." A voice came from behind him.

Harry spun around only to come face to face with what looked like an older version of him.

"Who da fuck you be?" Harry yelped as he stepped back.

"I am your father Harry." The man snickered a moment before offering his hand to him. "James Potter, at your service."

"Harry Potter. Nice to meet you dad." Harry choked back the tears that threatened to fall from his face as he stared into his fathers eyes.

"So you want to go back, or stay here?" James inquired.

"Mutha fucka be nuts if you think I wanna stay here." Harry cried indignantly.

"That's what I said. But I still ended up here. I hope your physical shell pulls through." James replied…

Hermione whistled softly to herself the tune she danced to last night as she made her way towards the Great Hall for lunch. "I am going to save a spot for Harry." She assured herself.

There was a bit more noise then usual coming from within the Great Hall as Hermione entered. She quickly realized Dumbledore and McGonagall were nowhere to be seen, and Snape was preparing to make an announcement.

Sonorus!

"If any one has information leading to the capture of those responsible for the attack on Mr. Potter, they will be rewarded handsomely for that information. His condition is critical and he has been taken to St. Mungos. He may not live through the night. If you had planned to kill him, your technique is sloppy." Snape yelled over the din of the crowd.

Hermione thought she saw Ron look uncomfortable, but she couldn't tell as she was now crying. Tears poured from her eyes in sheets as she stumbled forward to sit down. "Harry could die!" She exclaimed as she poured her tears into Ginny's shoulder.

"He will be ok Hermione." Ginny tried to console her. "Harry is a tough guy. He is from the streets." Ginny assured Hermione.

"I finally find someone who understands me, and they get stolen from me! This isn't fair!" Hermione bellowed, as the Great Hall mellowed and seemed to collapse under the weight of Hermione's tears. The voices of no one but her could be heard as she cried and begged any God or Spirit to help Harry.

"Ms.Granger." Snape stated as he finally walked over to her, interrupting her prayers. "Come with me."

Ginny helped Hermione to stand and walked with her out of the Great Hall. When they reached the corridor, Snape handed her a small stone. "Simply say the word Potter, and you will be taken to see him." His face hard, but his eyes betrayed that even he felt the fear of loosing Harry. His eyes scared Hermione, if Snape was afraid, it must be bad.

"Potter." Hermione stated firmly, and she felt a tug behind her navel.

Ginny kicked at an invisible rock for a moment before calling to Snape. "Professor?"

Snape turned to her.

"Thanks." Ginny whispered.

"Tell no one that I care." Snape commanded her coldly before walking back into the Great Hall.

**St. Mungos-**

Hermione coughed as the sterile air permeated her lungs. Her face turned to the bed next to her, as she realized there was a vaguely human form wrapped in bandages and connected to several machines.

"Harry?" Hermione whispered as she cautiously made her way towards his bed. "Please Harry. Be ok." She whimpered, as she got bedside, and realized that one of Harry's eye lids was missing. His eye covered by a glass, liquid filled cup. The pupil was dilated, and it was obvious he was in some form of coma.

The only way she could tell it was Harry, was by the color of his eye. The green was still there, but it looked as though the rest of the eye was made of congealed blood.

"Ms. Granger." Dumbledore greeted her, as he walked up behind her.

"Professor." Hermione stuttered. "He is going to be ok. Right?" She pleaded as she stared into Dumbledore's eyes. "You can make him ok. Can't you?" Hermione begged.

Dumbledore looked fifty years older as he sighed. "I cannot make a promise Hermione." He choked.

Hermione lost what composure she had, when she realized Dumbledore was crying softly. "No… No… NO!" She shouted at Dumbledore before collapsing into his arms.

Harry enjoyed speaking to his father. It was strange to only meet a man in your mind, especially when that man was your father. They talked about everything, and nothing. They discussed love, and girls, and pimping. They even talked about Hermione. Till one day James bid Harry farewell, and Harry attempted to return to his body.

Nymphadora Tonks was taking pictures of Harry's injuries using a wizarding camera when he awoke. She had the camera very close to his face, and when the flash went off, his arm jerked and slammed the camera to the floor. Tonks screamed like hell itself had erupted.

Nurse after nurse rushed into the room, every one trying to stabilize Harry, as his return to consciousness was currently affecting his ability to breathe. The pain was so great; they had to use a potion to induce a dreamless coma for another week.

"Hermione." Dumbledore beckoned her from the common room where she sat clutching a small teddy bear. She had taken up the habit of carrying it around after Harry had been beaten. No one had yet been captured in his attack.

"I have good news." Dumbledore grinned as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Harry has awoken from his coma, if his blood pressure stays stable tonight, he will be expected to make at least a seventy-five percent recovery."

Hermione's face brightened before asking, "What is the twenty-five percent that he will loose?" Her face worried.

"He may not have function in his left leg." Dumbledore sighed sadly.

"I will still love him." Hermione assured herself. "I would still love him, even if he never moved again."

"I am sure you would." Dumbledore patted her head before dismissing her back to the common room.

Harry finally recovered from his coma, but true to Dumbledore's worry, Harry would never use his left leg again. They installed a brace around it, and Harry simply referred to it as his "PimpWalk".

"Ima find out who did this. You know dat shit right?" Harry asked Dumbledore one day as he performed his rehabilitation exercises, while Dumbledore looked on.

"I assure you, I have no idea of that. I will not hamper your investigation, since I know nothing of it." Dumbledore replied, his face dark.

"Thanks." Harry grinned a bit before grimacing as the exercise shot pain through his back and neck.

Harry had missed enough classes to not be allowed to graduate to the next grade under normal rules, but Dumbledore found a loophole that allowed him to move onwards. The staff of St. Mungos flat out refused to allow Hermione to see Harry, until he was healed.

It was a happy day for Harry when he finally returned to school. While every one ate breakfast in the Great Hall, Harry Portkeyed to the entrance to the castle and slowly but steadily drug his leg to the Great Hall.

Clink. Draaaaag. Clink…. Draaaaag.

The noise of Harry's cane tapping the floor and then his left leg dragging echoed through the empty hallways. Slowly and deliberately he forced the double doors open and began to hobble into the Great Hall, all of the tables going silent as they finally laid eyes on Harry's battered form.

He searched his Houses table and quickly found Hermione. Jerking his head to the side softly, he beckoned her to him.

Hermione leapt from her seat and clambered over the table, rushing to meet Harry as her shock turned to elation. "Haaaaarry!" She screamed, her face scrunched up into an enormous smile.

Harry simply grabbed onto her with his left arm and began kissing her furiously before releasing her mouth from his and limping towards an empty bench, Hermione attached to him at the hip.

"As you can see. Mr. Potter has returned!" Dumbledore announced before clapping, causing the entire school to clap. Except for Ron. "Do you have a few words for us Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore question.

Harry thought for a moment before standing. "Who ever put a price on my head. Go get a refund you mutha fucka! I ain't dead. Ima find who fucked me up. Just you fucking wait." Harry growled as he looked around, his eyes landing on Ron, causing him to fidget.

"Couldn't have said it better my self." Snape smirked, his comment only heard by Dumbledore.

"I agree Severus." Dumbledore laughed.

For every bite of food Hermione fed Harry during breakfast, he would lick her neck or suckle her ear. Relishing her scent and touch, Harry was so happy to have someone to confide in and be grateful of life for.

"The pain was worth it." He whispered to her. "Just to come back to you. That is why I fought." He kissed her one more time on the neck before going back to eating.

"Oh Harry." Hermione breathed heavily. "I have never felt so special in my life." She thought as she watched Harry struggle with swallowing his pumpkin juice. The damage he had inflicted upon him clearly evident, even after months of healing.

After that day, Harry was always seen with the Weasely Twins, Fred and George following him around. It was well known he had paid them handsomely, and they took to wearing their "bouncer clothing" constantly.

Fred and George looked like regular animals, having cut their hair short and spiky so that a person could not grab it in a fight. They wore matching dress robes, arms torn out, with their wands in holsters. They also both wore their own respective necklace with a small green heart shaped charm on it.

Hermione now took to being at Harry's side more often than any one had ever seen, or expected. Though the teachers were surprised to find her grades and desire to work hard increasing exponentially.

Snape continued to enjoy sneering at students. (Hey, what do you expect?)

Harry had tried to fit in, he really had. "Fuck that." He thought, as he woke up in the morning. Harry dressed differently now. It was difficult to fit his leg brace in his normal clothing, so he had purchased a new wardrobe. He grabbed his super oversized baggy jeans and basketball jersey. Struggling to get dressed a little, he finally pulled himself off his bed and grabbed his wand.

Harry slipped his wand into his drawers in the front, as he let his pants sag down past the waistband to his boxers. He then tightened his belt up, and smirked as he grabbed his cane and baseball cap. Harry's boxers were adorned with pictures of women in racy positions, and every one knew it.

"Harry." Fred nodded to Harry as he waited at the private room he had been bestowed with. Dumbledore had deemed it to dangerous to stay in the dorms with the rest of the boys.

"Fred." Harry grinned as he pulled a rather heavy bag of coins from his pocket and extricated ten shiny gold pieces. "Payday." Harry smirked as he handed the coins to Fred.

Fred knew it wasn't payday, Harry had paid the both of them upfront and in Gold Galleons, but he also knew Harry didn't take kindly to people refusing when he wanted to "tip" them. "Thanks." Fred smiled, thinking about how nice it would be when the construction of his store was finished.

"Hey Fred." Harry startled him as he began to speak. "See anything different?" Harry inquired as he held his arms out.

"No. Wait. Is that a new necklace?" Fred asked as he scrutinized Harry.

"Fo' sho'." Harry grinned as he plucked the necklace out from behind his shirt, startling Fred.

"Merlin Harry! Is that what I think it is?" Fred asked in downright fear.

"Fo' Sho'." Harry laughed as he kissed the small black trinket at the end of the chain and placed it back in his shirt. "I would like to see a mutha fucka come at me now. Cost me a quarter of a million of dem gold coins. Worth every fuckin penny." He laughed.

Fred simply stared before attempting to act as though everything where normal. "Does Hermione know?" he finally asked, holding his breath.

"Sho' don't." Harry grinned. "I read about it over her shoulder yesterday. Had dis bitch over nighted with a special gift for her too." He grinned, as he pulled a rather large package from within the gaping pockets of his jeans.

"What is it?" Fred inquired; his interest obviously peaked after finding out that Harry just dropped well over two hundred and fifty thousand galleons on a necklace that traps the soul of those who attack him. (Very illegal)

Harry handed the box to Fred as he pointed with one finger at the V S emblem on a pink ribbon. "Just a little sumthin sumthin that I would like to see her wear." His eyes sparkling with mirth. "Hopefully I can talk her into wearin this stuff, seems like since I got back, she has been real scared to do anything with me any more."

Fred just grinned as he handed the box back to Harry. "Shall we?"

"We shall." Harry smiled.

Hermione sat in the common room of Gryffindor laughing with Ginny as they worked on what looked like an assignment. Hermione was currently laughing about a joke Ginny had said about potions and charms teachers. When she finally felt something hovering over her, blocking the light from her work.

Looking up, she realized there was a box of pink and black hovering over her. So she plucked it out of the air and looked around, only to see Harry waving his wand gently Hello at her from near the entrance.

Fred simply slunk into the shadows keeping an eye out for suspicious activity.

"What is it?" Hermione asked as she began to open the box, having bridged the gap between the two.

"Not here." Harry grinned as he placed a hand on hers. "You may not want every one in Gryffindor seeing what I got ya girl." He laughed. "Why don't you go check it out in yo dorm?" He then placed a kiss on her forehead and patted her on the ass as she walked away.

Hermione simply smiled over her shoulder at him and wrinkled her nose before walking up the stairs, Ginny smiling mischievously behind her. "I want to see!" She called.

**Sirius and Remus-**

Sirius and Remus were currently making names for themselves, even as Harry healed in St. Mungos. They learned quickly that "pimping aint easy". Physically and mentally, it was akin to being a soldier of the street.

They were both rolling in more money than they knew what to do with, even after paying Harry. Sirius had quickly purchased a new pinstriped suit and Aston Martin V12 Vanquish that he was quickly enchanting secretly.

Remus on the other hand purchased a Cadillac Escalade, always being the sensible one. As sensible as an $80 thousand pound SUV could be, complete with spinner rims and a vanity plate that read "1MNBITE".

One night Sirius and Remus sat down to speak, after having found the man who had almost killed Cynthia. Harry's Uncle Vernon was easily recognized by Remus as he listened to Cynthia yell and scream as she pointed at him from his car. Having pulled up next to each other at a light. "That is the fucking bastard who beat me Remus!" She yelled as she threw a shoe at the mans window, causing him to look very alarmed.

Ring Ring

"Remus?" Sirius asked over his cell phone, as he was currently behind Remus in his Aston Martin. "Why is Cynthia assaulting that mans car with her foot wear?"

Remus barely had a moment to explain to Sirius what was going on before Sirius jumped out of his car and walked right up to the mans window. Pointing his wand at the man, he summoned a blast of green light, and then ran back to his car and sped away, following Remus as the light changed to match the spell that had just blasted from his wand.

The only thing you could hear from the Aston Martin was a man screaming, "Respect mutha fuckin King Magick! Respect the dogs! Woof Woof!" Leaving the entire street in a panick.

Remus and Sirius laughed together as they leaned back on the couch at King Magicks house, reminiscing in how proud they were of their newest victory.

"I spose I busted a cap in his ass. Eh?" Sirius laughed as he took a swig from his flask, the words No.1 Pimp engraved in the chrome.

"Sirius?" Remus sobered up a little, as he inquired for Sirius' total attention.

"Yea?" Sirius grimaced a little as the alcohol trickled down his throat, a small gasp escaping his lips.

"I think. I think I am going to ask Harry if I can buy Cynthia out?" Remus looked slightly distant as he explained.

"You mean pimp her yourself?" Sirius questioned incredulously.

"NO!" Remus quickly explained. "I was thinking perhaps thirty five thousand pounds. If she agrees of course, to let me buy her out of the business, so we might be able to enjoy our time together. I think I am in love with her."

Sirius simply stared for a moment, before replying. "You sure that is what you want? I mean…" He hastened as he saw a glint of anger in Remuses eyes. "I'm just saying that is a lot of money."

"It is worth it." Remus assured Sirius.

"Then all you can do is talk to her about it, then ask Harry." Sirius grinned before patting his friend on the back.

**Back at Hogwarts-**

Ginny walked back down the steps a small pink tinge to her cheeks, sans Hermione.

"Every thing cool?" Harry inquired as she sat back down.

Ginny simply shrugged with an "I don't know" face, though her eyes danced wildly.

Harry felt like he were sweating bullets before finally seeing the door to Hermione's dorm open and she step back down without the box. Harry's heart was beating furiously as he currently couldn't read her face. It looked completely neutral.

It looked as though she were going to walk up to Harry, but as she got close to him, she simply walked by, leaving Harry perplexed. Though his face quickly switched to a smile as he watched her slowly exit the painting, her now bare leg slipping out from beneath her cloak, before she twisted her head softly, a mischievous grin on her lips, her tongue beckoning Harry, as it danced upon her lips.

Harry turned to Fred and grinned as he grabbed the brim of his hat and twisted it around backwards.

Fred simply shrugged and waited ten seconds before following Harry at a small distance, easily keeping pace with the pimp with the limp. Harry on the other hand was trying his damndest to keep up with Hermione, her hips swaying lightly beneath her robe as she continued to stay at fingertip length from Harry, leading him somewhere.

Harry grinned widely as Hermione stopped and leaned up against the corridor wall with her back where the room of requirement resided. "Why don't you summon up your night club?" She whispered as her finger tips drummed against the wall next to her sides.

Harry limped past the wall three times, and POOF, the doors appeared, as did the noise.

"Shall we go to your office?" She giggled lightly.

Harry grinned and pulled the door open, allowing Hermione in, as Fred ambled in behind them to sit down next to the entrance. Hermione grabbed Harry's hand and walked slowly next to him, keeping pace with him, guiding him to the room in the back.

Harry could feel the sweat forming on the palm of Hermiones hand, she was definitely nervous. Harry knew she was a virgin and he respected that, never forcing himself on her beyond using his charms. She had asked Harry if he were a virgin, and he had answered truthfully that he wasn't, but she didn't seem to mind, only making a noise of acceptance and changing the subject.

Harry stepped into the VIP room following Hermione after she opened the door to find it was now decorated with a four-poster bed and fireplace. In a corner sat one lone chair, with enough space to for a lap dancer to work. As Harry admired the room, he had not noticed Hermione pulling her robe off, and kicking her shoes off only to pull on the boots Harry had purchased her.

Harry could truly appreciate the opinion of his harem when he had contacted them for ideas on a sexy outfit for his girlfriend. They had not disappointed.

Hermione was slowly slipping on her thigh high leather boots and connecting them to her pink garter belt. A tiny black miniskirt with pink stitching up the sides barely covered her assets, slipping peaks of her pink thong panties as she bent over. A very tiny black tank top with the words "I Love King Magick"written in pink covered her chest, but left her stomach bare. Hermione then slipped her hands up into her hair and pulled it up into a long bushy pony tail, her face matching the pink of her clothing's trim.

"Do you like it?" She finally asked, as Harry had been staring at her, lightly slack jawed.

"Damn girl. You beautiful." He crooned, slowly reaching a hand out to her.

Hermione playfully slapped his hand away, a smirk playing on her face. "Don't think it will be that easy King." She laughed, before grabbing his arm and pulling him gently to the chair and sitting him down. "Just relax." She commanded.

Harry complied in haste, slinking down into the chair, his damaged leg held out wards stiffly, while his other leg sat at a regular angle, his cane clattering to the floor.

Hermione smiled innocently as she grabbed the opening to Harry's pant leg and pulled it up, revealing the metal and plastic retainer that kept his leg straight.

Harry stiffened slightly as he watched her slowly unfasten his leg brace, but relaxed as she planted a few kisses on his knee and thigh, eventually getting the thing off.

Hermione gently pushed the contraption away. "I don't want to cut my self." She explained as she slowly ran Harry's pant leg back down, using her fingertips to tickle his leg, though Harry had no feeling in it, it still felt nice to be touched

Harry quickly realized that Hermione had tears in her eyes, as she stared at his leg. "What is the matter girl?" He asked, trying to console her.

"It's my fault." She sighed, as she settled herself down into a kneeling position between his legs. "I just know Ron did this to you, because of me."

"It ain't yo fault." Harry replied sternly. "Mutha fucka had it out for me since we met."

"Because of me." Hermione sighed before placing her forehead on his good knee.

"No. Because of who I am." Harry whispered to her as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Now get on up here and grind on me girl. You know you my main chick, and no one could replace you."

Hermione looked up and with sad eyes replied with an almost pleading look. "Hermione looked up and with sad eyes replied with an almost pleading look. "I love you."

"I love you too girl." Harry smiled down at her. "Now come here and dry them eyes, this is supposed to be nice for both of us."

Hermione climbed up into Harry's lap and took a moment to stare into his eyes. She knew he had seen so much, and yet he was so young. He was even letting her explore him, when she knew that he knew he could have what he wanted whenever he wanted.

"You sure you ready fo dis girl?" He checked one last time.

Hermione nodded slowly as her head dipped down to his face, her tongue tentatively meeting his lips, before their kiss came full force. "Mmmmm." She moaned into his mouth.

Harry was spending this time running his hands up and down the back of Hermione's legs, as his fingertips would reach the edge of her skirt, he would travel back down.

Hermione noticed first as the song _Sexual Healing (remix by shaggy)_ began to play. The soft mix of reggae and traditional love music setting the pace of their exploration, bringing a smile to Harry's face.

Hermione could feel Harry's finger tips grip into the back of her thighs, his wrists slowly working a rhythm into her lower body, encouraging her to grind against his body. Just like he likes.

For a split second, Harry's heart jumped in his chest when he thought that someone was knocking on the door, but he soon realized the song _It wasn't me by Shaggy_ was starting.

Hermione seemed one minded in kissing and licking every bit of Harry's neck and lips. Her tongue leaving shining streaks down his Adams apple, his "Harrys apple" she giggled to herself as her nose poked into his throat.

Harry jerked and laughed a little as her tickling nose and tongue assaulted his neck. "You sure can kiss baby." He whispered into her ear, "Smart, pretty, and a dreadfully good love maker. What else could I want?"

Hermione loved the fact that Harry always emphasized her brains over anything else, having taken pride in her mind since she had started Hogwarts. As she was musing over Harry's choice of words when seducing her, she failed to notice him tighten his grip around her until it was to late.

Harry cupped her bottom with his arm, and using all the strength in his good leg, with a barely audible grunt he spun her over onto her back, her legs wrapped around his back, as Harry lowered himself into a kneeling position, their tongues still wrestling.

NASTY SCARY STUFF GOES HERE! OMG! AVAILABLE ELSE WHERE! AHHHH! 

Snape had found Harry on his way back to his dorm that night, after he had returned Hermione to her common room. "Harry." Snape had nodded at him as they began to pass each other, before Snape placed a hand on his shoulder and lightly pressed him so they were facing eye to eye.

"Ahhhh DISCUSTING!" Snape had screamed as though something had burned him, his hand pushing Harry backwards, almost making him fall down. "MERLIN! VILE BOY! ARGGGH!"

Snape rushed back towards Dumbledore's office, as Harry quickly ran his fingers over his face, trying to figure out what Snape had seen. The potions master meanwhile was rushing up the stairs to Dumbledore's office, his eyes wild.

"ALBUS!" Snape exclaimed as he threw the door open, startling the headmaster and Minerva McGonagall, her face flustered and her robe slightly askew. Snape paid it no mind though. "Albus, look what I have seen."

Dumbledore scowled for a moment before returning to his normal cheery self, "Come here my boy. What is the matter?" Creating eye contact so they could share the memory.

"See! See!" Snape shouted as he retold his legillimancy of Harry. "Look what he did to our prefect! She was so pure, and brainy, and LOOK WHAT HE DID!"

"Nothing says lovin like a bun in the oven." Dumbledore chuckled before dismissing Snape with his hand. "If this is all you wanted to show me. Leave. Minerva and I have business to discuss."

Snape simply sat flabbergasted for a moment before turning around, his ears perking as he heard Minerva giggle like a young girl. Dumbledore whispering "Harry I believe has taught me something new. Shall I show you?"

Snape didn't sleep for two days.

Hermione on the other hand was currently sitting on her bed in her dorm giggling and talking in hushed whispers about what had transpired between her and Harry. It seemed like every girl in Gryffindor was currently huddled around her, listening intently to Hermione explain in great detail everything that Harry and her did. She having felt obligated by the stories of her friends.

Hermione and her friends stayed well up into the night swapping stories and tips, only going to sleep after McGonagall had made an entrance commanding the girls to sleep. Though she looked a bit funny, with that hair gel in just a few spots around her face.

It was quickly nearing end of term, and every one was making plans on what they planned to do. Hermione's father, "The Dentist" as she had told Harry, was taking his vacation, and they planned to simply sit around the house.

Harry on the other hand, planned to dip in on Sirius and Remus and handle any business that needed to be done before returning to school. Harry hoped he could visit Hermione during break, but as hectic as his life was, he never knew what could transpire. He promised to call her though, and keep in contact.

"I ain't never gonna let you go girl." Harry cooed as he stroked her hair in the common room of Gryffindor. "You ma main girl." He assured her as he kissed the top of her head.

"I wish you could come with me." Hermione sighed as she clutched his basketball jersey.

"Have this?" Harry looked for acceptance in her eyes as he slipped the jersey off his body, placing it in her hands.

Several of the girls in the common room were craning their necks to look at Harry's bare chest, but were quickly chastised by a deadly look by Hermione.

"Thank you Harry." She giggled as she cuddled up with his shirt, her body draped across his legs.

Far to soon, it was time to return home from school. A welcomed vacation from the hectic day-to-day monotony of class, every one looked forward to it, even though Harry and Hermione knew it would be hard on them.


	4. Where it all begins

**AN: This entire scene was MUCH bigger, until I edited for this webpage. It was WAY bigger. Lol. I hope every one can understand what happened between the two. Again, this entire chapter was edited for content, so if it is not understandable, blame it on this web page, not me. Now that part one is finished, check out part two, which is now, at the time of this posting over 100 pages and rising. It will be an estimated 275 pages at completion, for book 2, and book three will be around 110 pages, as of this planning stage. Thanks for reading this, and please read and review. Check my profile for my other stories, and my homepage for my unedited stories.**

Far to soon, it was time to return home from school. A welcomed vacation from the hectic day-to-day monotony of class, every one looked forward to it, even though Harry and Hermione knew it would be hard on them.

**On the train-**

The Hogwarts express chugged along peacefully, as students giggled and laughed. Their joy of vacation spurred many emotions, which Harry and Hermione were experiencing at that very moment.

"Go into the bathroom." Harry whispered into her ear, as they sat at the back of the train. "Then I will wait 10 minutes, then come and knock, and you unlock the door and let me in." He explained his plan as his eyes danced with the excitement of their last fling before vacation.

"Harry." Hermione grinned widely. "We could get in trouble, what if we are caught?"

"We won't be baby." Harry assured her, his hand slowly making it's way up her thigh to play with the thong he had bought her. "One last time?" He whispered, his eyes round and wet as he fought back a grin.

Hermione thought about it for a moment, biting her lower lip. "One last time." She whispered before walking out of the cabin they had in the back.

Harry leaned back in his seat, waiting the allotted time. Finally, he felt he had waited long enough and made his way to the bathroom in the back.

Tap Tap

Harry knocked, his ears perking as he could hear the door unlocking and without missing a beat, Harry slipped into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

Harry had barely turned around when Hermione grabbed onto his neck, her kisses passionately burning into his mouth. "Mmmmm…. Harry."

Neville Longbottom needed to pee. He had never had such a need to pee as he did at this moment in his life. His knees shook and his stomache ached as he rushed towards the back of the train. Only to find the door locked.

"Im going to cry." He whimpered as he knocked on the door. "Please let me in." He called, his voice cracking as he begged. "Please?"

"No!" Harry and Hermione shouted in unison. "Use the other one."

Neville could have sworn he heard two voices, as he danced about. "Please Harry?" Neville pleaded.

The door shook, as Neville's eyes got wide. He could definitely hear Harry's and Hermione's voices. "Oh God! Oh God!" Neville chanted as he continued his pee-pee dance, "I don't know what to do! Argggh." Neville rushed to the window and threw it open, hanging his Johnson out it, he relieved himself.

"I don't know what came over me." Hermione groaned.

After much scuffling, Harry opened the door to find Neville still standing there with a confused look on his face.

"Uhh." Neville simply stared with his eyes looking confused.

"What the fuck are you doing Neville?"

"I have no idea." Neville looked down at his shoes before turning around. "I guess I was waiting to use the bathroom." His face beet red.

"It'll be free when Hermione gets out." Harry chuckled, trying to mask the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Harry stepped off the train, hand in hand with Hermione, their fear and uncertainty of their actions broken by the loud whoop coming from Sirius Black. "Harry ma dog!" Sirius called. "Over here yo!"

Harry turned to Hermione; grasping her hard he kissed her passionately. "What ever happens. Don't be afraid to tell me. I am here for you girl." He ran a finger down her stomach, planting one last kiss on her forehead.

Harry never noticed Hermione choking back tears as she returned the kiss, assuring him she would be fine.

"What up Sirius?" Harry shouted as he shook hands with his older friend. "I heard you be rollin deep in an Aston Martin!" Harry grinned as they began to walk towards the parking lot of the train station. Harry having commanded the twins to make sure Hermione got to her parents before they left, unbeknownst to her.

Sirius grinned smugly as he pressed the fob on his keys, the Aston Martin giving a welcoming beep as the doors unlocked. "This baby is the best!" Sirius cooed with pride as he petted the top of the car, as the pair climbed in.

The ride was pleasant as they made their way back to Harry's crib, where he was inundated with hugs from his women and a strong handshake from Remus.

Cynthia regaled him with tales of how Remus and Sirius had avenged her, which Harry was very grateful for, while Remus prepared the paperwork to show the complete profit that they had made in Harry's absence.

The night rolled to a close with a massive feast that had been cooked by the women of the harem. All of them contributing something, leaving everyone stuffed to the brim.

"It's good to be home." Harry sighed as he slipped into bed, Macey and several of Harrys other women slipping under the sheets with him. They all snuggled up and drifted off to bed. Harry's mind filled with thoughts of a certain brown haired bombshell waiting for him somewhere in England.


End file.
